I sent H an email to let him know how happy S6 was that H was spending more time on the weekends with him. H responded by calling me and saying he was going to spend time with S6 that day (a weekday) before he left for his trip. Wish it hadn't taken an A and an S for me to finally figure out how well positive reinforcement works on my H.
H still sounds/seems/looks depressed when I see him, but I could be mistaking that for him being too tired to keep up with his lifestyle of going out drinking practically every single night.
Been really busy lately with friends. Having a good time and really enjoying myself, although I still think about H a lot. Had a terrible dream the other night that H was going to marry ogre.
Having a hard time imagining H ever living here in my new place, so in a way, I guess physically moving has helped me move forward emotionally. Now I just worry that if I'm truly letting go of any hope, what's there to hold our R together? Silly, I guess, considering our R is non-existent!
Just occurred to me that H has travelled to 2 places I've wanted to take him to, as they were both places I had lived but that we had never been to together or that H had ever been to at all. Not sure if ogre is with him on his current trip. I don't ask because I don't want to be lied to. It's kinda like how he bought his mom the breed of dog that I've always wanted, but claimed it was the dog his nephew wanted a few months ago (S6 was asking for a different breed). Possibly his subconscious at work? Or plain old coincidences?
One more thing: H doesn't treat me like he would a stranger or a good friend. Treats me like a relative he's annoyed with. He's civil, but rarely initiates conversation. Occasionally, he'll ask questions and be friendly, but most of the time, he's a little less than apathetic, if that makes sense. Just feeling guilty? Or is there a deeper meaning?
