L2,
If you've always been one to hold your temper and always react with dignity then you are already strong . I used to be the one who always reacted, someone hurt me or did something wrong and I'd react and let them know... and somehow that ALWAYS flew back in my face. No matter what they did to start it, I'd always be the one looking bad.

I'm not saying to be a doormat, I'm just saying be emotionally detached so you can look at a situation logically and respond diplomatically.

OC,
Has your H always been that way? A little picky and difficult to please?

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.