Yes, this is a different OW. Yes, I think he has a problem. That is why I don't believe we can get past this. Last night I became calm, but I am a wreck again today.
I wish you could go to the wedding with me too husband. I have someone that could go with me...but I am not ready for the gossip of that. Better just to go alone I guess.
Thanks FA, I am going to read your thread when I feel up to. The problem is that I did give H an ultimatum, and I thought things were going great. He was completely transparent...or so I thought, and was telling me anytime OW would try to contact him. This is a different OW. I truly think he has a problem and I don't think I can ever trust him again.
If you've already given your H an ultimatum and this is how he treats you, then you must take care of yourself. He does not believe you will follow through w/ D or does not care. Either way you must take care of yourself.
I only told you about my thread so you would know how much I can empathize w/ you and not I'm not just dishing out advice. Before I gave my H my Utimatum letter, I had to be sure in my heart that I was not going to cave if he did not follow through w/ my conditions. It was scary, and I'm still scared he can't or won't do it. But I have to be content w/ the belief that being on my own would be better than to continue the madness I was living.
You deserve so much better than this. Just don't let your H play you - they know EXACTLY which buttons to push, which words to say. Be true to yourself & know that you will be fine - it may just take a little while. One thing that really helped me all along was reminding myself that this is not about me, it is about him. Your H does have a problem, but it's not you.
Take care. And maybe try to have fun at the wedding & forget about your H for a few hours.
FA
What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.
FA:43, H:42 D:7 M:10 yrs, T:24 yrs EA:?, PA:1/06 S:3/07 EA/PA ongoing Aborted attempt to move home 07/08
FA, the ultimatum was given a few months ago. H was doing great. I guess my ultimatum forgot to mention what to do anbout another OW...just thought that was understood.
I want to talk to him but I know that is probably not a good idea. I want to talk to him about this wedding. I just can't decide if it would be better or worse for him to be with me.
They both claim that they weren't doing anything (although my H did look flushed and out of breath) and she was hiding because he didn't want me to get the wrong idea and freak out. I don't care if they weren't doing anything. After everything we have been through lately and especially the talk we had yesterday he should know that that is wrong.
Thanks Michelle, I'm glad my mom is here too. Last time I had to deal with this with no one. NO friends, nobody. I also think this wedding is compounding my feelings for everything.
Back at work today. Not very productive, I just want to crawl into bed and sob. The bad thing is that I am so busy...both at work and home.
I have to say a speech at this wedding and I am at a loss for words. It is hard to wish someone well when my life is so screwed up.
Last night I was talking to one of my guy friends and he was being sympathetic and then asked me to come over. I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea because I was a little emotionally vulnerable. He said "just come over here for a minute, you need someone to hug you." I eventually went over and he made a pizza, I hadn't had anything to eat all day. He made me feel better and even made me laugh....said he would stand in for H at the wedding if I wanted him to.
Still not sure what I want to do about that. H said he would go...but I have a feeling he wouldn't be much fun. A part of me wants to tell him nevermind, I found someone else to go with....but the other part doesn't want to deal with the questions if H isn't there.
How do things turn around so quick?? Just last week he was saying that we belong together, we are SUPPOSED to be together.
If you don't want H to come with you, don't take him to the wedding. Take another friend and ask them to run interference for you. Agree on the excuse/reason and if people don't take the hint to drop it, tell them you don't want to talk about it. Use it as a chance to get away from the drama.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I know I will make it through this week. I just feel like such a fool. I did talk to him yesterday and he was so mean. Just like before. He told me he didn't love me and he didn't want to be married. I don't get it. Just so strange.
I just feel so angry because I had moved on, I had accepted it, and I was ok. Because of this, I know I will be ok again....but why did he move back here? My guess is because he needs me and there I am letting him take advantage of me.
Ugh! I just want this to be over. Oh apparently since I want my name off of everything (the car and the apt. lease) and I want him to pay his own car insurance I am spiteful. Nice.
I am just worried that it wouldn't be appropriate for me to take someone else to the wedding (rehearsal dinner is the main thing though as I REALLY don't want to go to that by myself). Maybe I will just tell the bride and another close friend what is going on, they would really be the only ones wondering.
I know I would have a lot more fun with the friend that offered to go rather than H. Just makes me mad, we have been planning this for a while now.
I called the lawyer today, which just so happens to be a close friend of mine. He wasn't in and hasn't called back yet.
