And the day came ...

[sage]

Sage, really, the majority of your posts prior to this last glitch have been amazingly positive. Are you SURE he's been reading them? If he has, how can he NOT see that that night WAS just a backslide and not a catastrophe?

hey SB -- I think my h. is really, really, really sensitive to not feeling trusted...to not feeling appreciated...to feeling as though I will never be happy, what he does will never be good enough. Why? I dunno. No doubt it's partly because of how I've treated him for our m. Does it go back further than that? Can't say.

I DO think it's gonna take lots and lots and lots of appreciating him, loving him, etc. to counteract a show of anger/frustration/untrusting on my part.

He may never be at the point where he can respond to my need for reassurance w/o feeling as though it's an attack. OTOH, I've been deeply wrong before about his "limits" (goodness, how 'holier than thou' I was!) for loving me, connecting with me, etc.

I need to love him with all my might. And I need to love myself too -- reassure myself -- shore up myself -- strengthen myself. I'll show him my vulnerability but not from anger -- from the place that it's so true -- that he is capable and just the right person to alleviate my fears. If he recoils, well, I'll comfort myself.

In the meantime, I need to figure out how to ask for what I need without it always seeming like a judgement...

Sage