I read your posts and I think there has to be a major change on your part to get to the point YOU want it. Basically, I am thinking that if I was your H, he is feeling that he knows about the OW and how wrong it was and everytime something goes wrong you are going to hang this over his head and pack bags.
I am against the letter.. I really think this is an opportunity to use face to face. You have sent email apologies last week and got little response. He wants to see more. I think the letter idea is all about you and yoru needs..I know this is hard, but can you try to make it about his needs..the need to know you are not going to berate him. I know you aplogized before but your reoccuring actions totally deflate the apology.
Can you ACT as IF for one week like you are honeymooners again? I mean really let it go the OW and focus on you both. Really try. I understand that you feel hurt and unappreciated and unloved to the level you deserve but to be honest you are not showing him any reason to act differently if is going to be the same thing over and over.
I am looking from H perspective and if you were to say to me I need your help getting over the A, I would say that is YOUR issue and that there in lies the problem. If you let it go then I can start to feel safe with you to know you love me and then I will show you.
If you show him strong and secure and that you are better than any other woman he may feel like reciprocating and THEN you can ask for more help from him. Now is not the time. Take a week or so to get the scene set and then ASK.
