His actions are confusing too. I think he has dug himself in so deep that he just doesn't know what to do. He is trying to quit gambling, by himself and its not been very successful, he is not ready to accept that this is bigger than what he can handle on his own.
He calls me a lot, at least 4 or 5 times a day. I can tell when he is gambling because then he won't call me or will rush off of the phone. I know he is still talking, texting and seeing OW, but I don't think its nearly as hot and heavy as it was. He still questions whether or not its his because she was the only one with an STD. We still spend time together because of sports and he showed up out of the blue Friday night for awhile. He brought DD home on Sunday (he actually took her to a movie just the 2 of them). He invited me to go but I thought she needed the alone time with her Dad. I know I'm not supposed to listen to what he says, but sometimes he seems so sincere and I so badly want to believe what he says...that when the baby is born and they figure out paternity and get all that stuff figured out, then we will be able to try again. I want to believe it, but my naturally skeptical nature prevents me from embracing it whole-heartedly.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
he is not ready to accept that this is bigger than what he can handle on his own.
What guy ever really is? Fixing things is what they do...it's a test, a challenge, a competition with other guys and the world. It's part of their nature. He will have to be the one to realize he may need more help.
It is perfectly okay to hope that one day, in the future sometime, he comes to his senses and cleans up his act. Just keep no expectations, keep the detachment, don't let his drama and problems affect you.
((((((S^2)))))))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Fixing things is what they do...it's a test, a challenge, a competition with other guys and the world. It's part of their nature.
Lol...that is SO TRUE in H's case. He is a fixer. If you can't fix it, f*ck it. His family are also masters of "if we ignore it, it doesn't exist" classic example of the elephant in the middle of the room.
Originally Posted By: MichelleLT
It is perfectly okay to hope that one day, in the future sometime, he comes to his senses and cleans up his act. Just keep no expectations, keep the detachment, don't let his drama and problems affect you.
This is the hardest thing for me. How strange it is that the whole pregnancy thing isn't really what bothers me right now. I mean it bothers me, but I also realize that there is just nothing to do about it but wait. The gambling thing really is the one problem that I let get to me everytime. That is where I have the hardest time detaching. Thursday is the day the ultrasound will be done. So am I just strange for knowing so much about this?
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I'm just as confused S&S. It's our minds, the devil, whatever that likes to mess us up and give us all of these confusing thoughts to throw us off. Just keep doing what you believe is right in your heart.
Maybe I'm just stupid, but this whole situation is a symptom of his inability or unwillingness to address the things that happened to him as a kid. He stays so busy running from the pain or numbing himself that the addiction(s) become the focus and not the underlying issues that create them.
I just find it hard to detach from him when I know if he could face his past, his present would be so much better.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
You're not stupid either. You're a wonderful, caring, loving wife.
Ummmm...is that code for moron?
Thanks Dar, its very nice of you to say, but there are days where I don't feel any of the above. I'm going to see if he is serious about having his name taken off of the house and LS. I think for me, that is the very best option. It protects me and the kids, the house is mine and neither one of them can touch it and therefore, the $40,000.00+ hes blown gambling can be recouped by me in equity.
I'm spending the night at MIL's house tonight because she is having surgery in the am and someone needs to drive her/be with her...even though I've been around for 20yrs, why does it seem odd that it is me doing this and not one of her children? Also, H has asked me more than once, "are you sleeping with me tonight?" AS IF.... So how do I politely decline without being too hurtful? Or do I?
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
