I remember when we first met how similar our sitches were, and our Hs. Your H's stuff sounds like it might be depression. The problem is how not to take it personally. I think a few posts back I saw something in your thread that might help. You asked H what you could do that wouldn't bother him. He said, "Ask me if I'm in a bad mood..."
I've done this with my H and it has really helped me not take things personally.
I feel the chill sometimes, even when he comes over to see me (we're still separated.). A few times, I've said, "Having a bad day?" Get a yes. Follow it up with, "Do you wanna talk about it?" Get a no. But then sometimes he opens up about it later.
This has worked well because it helps me not feel it is about me personally, which in turn takes the pressure off both of us, and I think then lets him open up some.
So, my suggestion is that you try taking your H's advice that you asked for
You are leaps and bounds ahead of me, but I think sometimes its easier to see the depression operating from a distance.
