New thread, new phase?

[AliSuddenly]

Hi Julia, I found it helpful to think, I cant expect him to have feelings for me, or empathy, or behave in a thoughtful manner as really... he's dumped me! So ANY contact/phonecall/hug from him is a bonus and I just feel grateful that he is still in my life with no anger between us.

I think your H is too young (?) for MLC and he's too young for his Saturn Return (sometimes referred to as QLC - quarter life, around 28-30), but clearly the realisation that he is MORTAL and has to change his lifestyle permenantly, has hit him hard. Seeing as he is ignoring the doctors advice!

Have you read much on what he may be going through? I have had 7 months of IC and spent alot of it talking about my BFs brain, why he may be behaving in certain ways and about depression. I guess you have to separate the behaviour from the man, your H is still in there, but some of his behaviours arent very nice.

I didnt see a baby step either for 4 months in my sitch, but I didnt contact him for a month AT ALL and eventually he phoned and invited himself round (that was first week of Feb). To begin with, every time I saw him, it was hard, but I smiled and put on an act...if he hugged me, I accepted it, but I didnt move to hug him. Stick to the NC...but if he contacts you, accept his contact graciously. Mirror his level of "openness", if he chats to you about work, chat to him about work.

About the cat - same here. Its his cat (my beloved tomcat died the week before the bomb!) and it went unsaid between us that shes staying here. I have never mentioned as, as I also know that he wouldnt want the responsibility. I guess you should take care of it for him! Dont even mention it, if he doesnt.

I guess I just have this total compassion and love for my BF and feel that he is struggling with a difficult time in his life. When I see him, I'm calm, I dont jabber at him, I listen, I talk softly (apparently this is important for men in MLC/depression/crisis), I am carring, consistent, but I never put MY emotions on him or tell him how I feel. I also learnt that his LoveLanguage is Acts of Service and so I offer to "do" things for him (limited scope), like I am going to darn a t-shirt for him this week that he ripped gardening.

Ali x