And the day came ...

[sage]

every book i read says that reconcilitaion wont work unless the straying spouse is truly sorry and wants to make the marriage work

has H ever said these things?

h has apologized on a few occasions.
h has never expressed a recommitment to our m.
in March, h said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be m. and, of course, two nights ago he brought up D. Not sure how serious he was about that or if it was for effect.

when asked what I did to contribute to his a. h said "nothing" -- but then he did intersperse some things in just general conversation -- I was angry all the time, he thought our marriage was over, that I didn't want it.

h. will not talk about what to do if he starts feeling those things again. No "gameplan" so to speak.

so that's where I am.

seems to me if we can't talk about what caused it, can't talk about a commitment to it not happening again and can't talk about what to do if we were to find ourselves in that sitch, how we'd get out of it...well...that's where I get stuck. The actions are wonderful...I want the words, too.

I want to hear that h. wants to be m. to me.

I suspect he doesn't know if he does. so, in that sense, I guess I'm glad he hasn't said it if it's not true.

Some babysteps last night....bought thai food for two (me), a surprise bag of whoopie pies (him). we watched a tv show together. a few caresses on my head. no kiss good night but I did give him a kiss this morning on my way out.

no response to the apology.

our internet is down at home. I think h. connected to aol with his laptop, though.

I'm at school today and tomorrow -- probably low posting days....

yikes. now I feel depressed for the stuff I haven't heard. rats.

Sage