I have been thinking about reading Mars and Venus, I will now and see what it says.
I suppose in regards to not seeing results I am just panicking because the only results I am seeing are him being so selfish in his thinking. It was all evident from our meeting. That the only thing that had been on his mind was the house because his parents were annoying him, not that I may need a bit of time to get used to things. I suppose it is because I still consider his feelings I expect him to consider mine - not an unreasonable request but maybe a tad unrealistic at the moment.
I think there is quite a big MLC element to my h even though he is only 26. His illness was a huge thing and he has maybe thought that he needs to be 'young' and shake off his responsibilities while he has time. There is definite denial of his illness - he refused to go to the doctors for 6 months after his final operation and it was only because I had booked it and escorted him that he went. When he got the all clear I said I don't care if you don't want me to and gave him a huge hug and we both cried with relief. I think he is really scared of it happening again, as it is a chronic disease, but at the same time not taking any precautions such as easing the stress in his life and eating properly. It is really weird and I don't understand it, the doctor told him no stress and a healthy diet and instead he leaves his wife and eats rubbish!
I suppose I was thinking that I had detached too much because I was actively resenting him so much that I couldn't imagine having him anywhere near me ever again! I realise this is just a feeling and it has kind of past but I have definitely detached more now., and that is a scary realisation for me.
You are right I am not going to expect anything from my h for my birthday. There is no point stressing about it. It would be nice if contact happened but I really doubt it will.
You know, now I have decided about the house I really want to get out of there. It is full of memories. Since I contacted my h yesterday saying I was ready with my decision with the house, how would he like to play the next part he hasn’t contacted me. Is he just leaving me to stew or is he having second thoughts? Ah, this is when I have to detach – detach, detach, detach!
When h left he took a small bag and that was it, he has been back for nothing since. All his stuff is still there, his part of the wardrobe is full of clothes and I don't know that it is good for me. I think it has been what has stemmed the thought that this is just temporary and that he will be back soon. I don't really understand that.
With regards to old friend, I know that it isn't anything really. It was just nice to have a bit of comfort and you are so right that I am craving comfort and consolation at the moment. When he was hugging me I did just think this is very nice but it is not the same/ nearly as nice as an h hug. My h was an expert hugger, in fact the best hugger ever... although Jeff's virtual ones come pretty close!!
