I'm seeing some similarities with my sitch too. I've been perceived as controlling, sarcastic and angry, heck I PROJECTED all of those things, probably DAILY for most of our marriage.
When H would point them out, I'd shrug it off "That's just how I am, that's how my Mom is...get over it". NOT!!!! I eroded my H's very spirit.
Yet it's SO true that beneath it all was FEAR and Anxiety. I too notice that when I am more vulnerable, H responds with more caring. Tal, to HELL with this image of the "strong self-sufficient woman". We ALL, men and women alike, need others to lean on. That is NOT weakness, it's human nature. It's what helps us get through this life.
And if "blubbering" on the phone was a 180 for you, the all the more good! LET your H know how much you need and want him. My H was SURE that I didn't love him, he even suspected that I'd cheated on him!!!
We're all learning a great deal about HOW to love each other, and I want to thank all of you for the insights and struggles that help me along MY way.
Sage (sorry! rather forgot it was YOUR thread there for a minute! ), I STILL think that wanting reassurance is NOT a bad thing, not a flaw. Perhaps it is HOW it's broached?
And I'll agree with, I think it was LL, in that these "set backs" are often gifts in disguise. I felt I NEEDED our second last blow out...I could feel resentment building up and HAD to get some things off of my chest.
The result: a lot of reassurance for me from CJ and some positive steps forward. I know it's hard to see them in the midst of the pain, but they are there.
I just wish your H weren't so HARD on you for being human! It must hurt like hell to feel that your doubts and vulnerabilities are being held over your head as evidence that "nothing is ever enough for you". That's the feeling I get from your H's responses.
I mean to bring up D after voicing your lingering doubts! That's blackmail! That's denying you the right to heal in your own time.
Sage, have you ever thought of printing out some posts from the BB for your H to read?
Okay, on I ramble: Someone also mentioned that our H's sometimes misread our expressions and moods. Very true. Just last night after having my advances turned down, I was HURT, I felt REJECTED and unwanted. Yes I stomped away, but H percieved only ANGER in me, he ofted accuses me of being "pissed off" at him, when what I'm really feeling is hurt.
Okay I think I'd better post this now before I forget whose thread it is again.
), I STILL think that wanting reassurance is NOT a bad thing, not a flaw. Perhaps it is HOW it's broached? 
