Well, I went to his gig last night and things went o.k. & maybe even a little better than I had expected.
They played for 2 hours since it was there last show (usually they only play for about a half hour) they did great and every regular at the bar was giving them a nice round of applause for thier bon voyage. Lots of people were allready trying to help find them a new guitar player so they can continue to play - who knows what will end up happening.
My H had on his wedding band and gave me a smile when he saw I was there. When they were done, he came right up to me and things were very awkward. We both just smiled for a while and then he thanked me for coming and I told him how great they did.
I asked him if he still wants to try to work things out with me and he said "yes, but I dont want you or I to be in a world of hurt & thats how things appear to him". I said "my hurt doesnt matter because I know I love you and want to work through things with you". He did say he loves me and then walked me to my car as usuall on my way out. I asked him if he will give me a call & he said yes.
I plan on detatching a bit now. I will let him call and come to me when he feels ready. I dont want to appear like I am chasing him or desperate for his love. So tonight I have bowling, tomorrow I am shopping for several friends b-day gifts, and thursday I have trivia night. I will just continue to do what I do, and see if he makes any effort to see me before the weekend comes.
I am glad he didnt want to end things, but unfortunately I am not glad that when I feel hurt (due to what I've been through with him & what he continues to put me through) he gets mad at me and acts like things wont work between us.
I guess I have to get a lot better about biting my lip and dealing with some of this MLC/alien behavior on my own and not crying to him. I just hope I am not setting myself up for future failure or a life of unhappiness due to him never getting back to the man he used to be.
Thanks for the book suggestion & I am most likely going to look into alanon if things continue as is for too much longer. TIPPER
