I hear what you're saying but have you ever thought that this guy is just that crazy about you? Men think differently when it comes to children, especially middle aged men. First of all I believe that women do much better being alone after being married than most men (not talking about you ALL). Secondly, we have always put our kids first. How do you change that? Then we have this "person" wanting into our life and somehow we feel as if they are taking up our time with the kids or expecting us to put them before our kids. Heck, their own Dads didn't put them first. If they had they wouldn't have done what they did. Maybe we just feel guilty or maybe it's more a feeling of being intruded upon. Maybe we're just plain scared and also that we still haven't completely given up the dream. We're all scared, but because of that do we look too closely for flaws? I wonder.
You have a lot to think about. One fact that will never change is that before we know it our kids will have their own lives. Hopefully they will always want us in their lives but they won't NEED us as they now do.
My point is that he may not be "needy". It may just be that your not being on the same page has brought up lots of questions. Possibly after 1 of your talks you think that things are resolved and then relax a bit which in turn gives him the wrong signals. Like ALL said, dating should be fun.
Maybe you're worrying too much about hurting his feelings and try to soften the blow, but everything you've written here about your feelings makes a lot of sense. Maybe you should read over what you've written here about how you feel before you have another talk. First and foremost I would really think about how much of this is you because these are things that you are going to run into in any relationship eventually if the guy cares about you as this man obviously does.
