Glad something I said made some sense! I guess partly because I am trying to deal with me getting stressed and emotional with this week of waiting on H's decision about court date. I have lost it a bit for at least 2 of our times together. So been really trying to think on this one!
The D word being tossed out would really bother me too. We already have papers filed so I guess my H doesn't have to toss it out. Maybe since it was thrown out was heat of moment and not serious. But way of striking back as he was hurting also. Arguments are so hurtful, and non productive!
I do agree with LL on the way I have seen this work in our sitch. My H seems to really respond positively when I apologize first. Maybe I didn't do enough of that in the past and now have to make the first move to reconnect for him to not go back to feeling like same as in past! I may not feel that I am responsible for whatever the argument was but I AM sorry it degenerated into the crappy, emotional discussion it did!
Hope your day does pick up and you figure out what it is that Sage needs and wants!
I am sending you Peace for now!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Here I was feeling sorry for myself and I read your thread. I truly understand how you felt yesterday. I did something dumb & stupid on monday that I paid for with H's attitude yesterday.
I shared all the feelings that you expressed last night. You have been a role model of patience and virture. I know that today you will regroup and bravely step to the plate to take positive steps.
The pressure that you live with on a daily basis at home needs a break. I agree with Pam, maybe you were tired and you hadn't taken a break in a while from all of the worry and hard work you were putting into the M.
Keep us posted.
Sage, I sent an email to you yesterday, but you take care of yourself first. Caz
Hi, friend. I was thinking of you yesterday (before all this crap!) and wondering how you were doing in your sitch. I hope that you will give us an update when you are ready!
Quoting Jeannine: Perhaps your H will need a little time alone in his cave to lick his wounds and to regroup. But, if he has even a small ray of insight as to the amazing woman he married, he WILL come around, and hopefully this time he’ll be more aware of your LEGITIMATE need for assistance in healing from HIS selfishness.
TBH, I'm not convinced that my h thinks that he married an amazing woman. I'm often pretty sure that he thinks that he married an insecure, pain in the A$$ who pushes his buttons! Kind of the "more trouble than its worth" category. 'course, that could just be me feeling pretty sorry for myself.
I feel like I've learned so much about myself in the last year -- and grown as a result. I know that I still have much to do -- a la "I'll make a great wife for somebody!" I've seen how h. has blossomed, too. It's astonishing to me, then, how we can find ourselves in this extreme corner -- my still needing reassurance (verbal and other) and him just so unable to give it. I've thought to myself SO many times -- couldn't we just take one small step towards each other on this topic? Ah, well, perhaps I shouldn't be surprised -- many would say that I haven't grown much in MY need for reassurance.
Perhaps my h. feels as though this is what he's "doomed" to for the rest of his life -- I disagree -- but if so, I guess I can't blame him for stating that he wants out.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Caz -- Hi hon! I'm so glad to hear from you! (well, you know what I mean! I wish that neither of us felt the need to be here...)
Your words of support mean so much. I appreciate your confidence in me but...well, I'm not so sure I have the strength you think -- at this point, I'm not even sure what makes sense as the next step let alone implementing it! I think I'll probably send h an email apology with NO expectations of a response -- then take some time for myself and shoring me up. Oh, wait, I guess I do know what the next step is!!! ha.
Thanks for letting me know that you sent me an email! I hadn't checked that account for a few days. I've read what you sent and will reply soon. Please don't worry about detracting me from my own self-created misery I'm here for you always in the way that you have been here for me.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
It's funny, all this time, I have followed along, and there was something always missing. If you go and look at a lot of the sitches around here, there is the big meltdown. Well guess what? You finally had yours.
We all know how tough it is to be the pillar of support, and honor through all of this. There are times, and probably lots of them, that everyone here just wants to throw their hands up and yell "What about me?!?" You are human. So you let you emotions get a hold of you. The fact that it happened doesn't surprise me, the fact that it took this long does.
So now what? From some of the things you said, sound like you are ready to give up. However, I think that is still your frustration talking. Can you take a couple of days off work, just to have some Sage time? To recharge your batteries a little? Like she said, you can't be superwoman all the time. Maybe just a little rest and time away from the situation is what the doctor ordered.
I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
Quote: If you go and look at a lot of the sitches around here, there is the big meltdown. Well guess what? You finally had yours. You are human. So you let you emotions get a hold of you. The fact that it happened doesn't surprise me, the fact that it took this long does.
Well put.
Although it would be so much nicer if our S's were walking images of perfection around the clock, I really doubt that any of us expect that.
So why should we expect absolute perfection from ourselves.
You are strong, kind, intelligent, loving, tolerant and you always take responsibility for each and every iota of your own behavior. And if that isn't enough, you manage to make time for everyone else who is hurting here on the bb.
Quoting Umbrella24: So now what? From some of the things you said, sound like you are ready to give up. However, I think that is still your frustration talking. Can you take a couple of days off work, just to have some Sage time? To recharge your batteries a little? Like she said, you can't be superwoman all the time. Maybe just a little rest and time away from the situation is what the doctor ordered.
Hi Jim,
Taking some time off sounds like a great plan -- I'd have to go away, too, since h. is home all day! Unfortunately, this mini-meltdown coincides with an intensive course that I'm taking at school -- 2 days this weekend and 1 day end of next week with plenty of work in between. We've got plans to go away the weekend after...I've been thinking today that if h. backs out of that, I'll go by myself.
As for the "giving up" concept -- I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't considered throwing in the towel. I love my h. I believe in our m. I believe that we will get thru this if we both want to. What I'm struggling with right now is whether or not he wants to -- and whether or not I feel like waiting for him to decide. There's a part of me that thinks that h. will ALWAYS feel like leaving me if he doesn't leave...do you know what I mean? I swear that there's a part of him that believes that there "may" be someone "better" out there...
The other thing that's weighing on my mind is what seems to be his "out" right now -- that things AREN'T better by now, ergo they never will be. I posted some time fairly recently about another poster whose h. had a second a. since he never figured she'd forgive him for the first. I'm not saying that my h is actively pursuing anything but the defeatist attitude seems to exist for him. I'm frustrated and angry that he seems to be totally disinterested, too, in educating himself about healing from infidelity and working with me.
I don't want my m. to end. I really, really, really don't. I've been hinting on the boards and also to h. that I'm not sure I can finish this healing on my own...and I'm truly not sure about that. Maybe I've still got some oomph left for the seemingly solo effort of DB'ing but eventually, I am completely convinced that we have to join forces to wring out this "you'll never trust me" "you're not trustworthy" corner case. It astonishes and perplexes and utterly wounds me that he doesn't seem able to do that with me.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quoting Jeannine: You are strong, kind, intelligent, loving, tolerant and you always take responsibility for each and every iota of your own behavior. And if that isn't enough, you manage to make time for everyone else who is hurting here on the bb.
Thanks for this Jeannine. I needed to hear those words.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I have lost it a bit for at least 2 of our times together. So been really trying to think on this one!
I've seen how h. has blossomed, too. It's astonishing to me, then, how we can find ourselves in this extreme corner -- my still needing reassurance (verbal and other) and him just so unable to give it. I've thought to myself SO many times -- couldn't we just take one small step towards each other on this topic? Ah, well, perhaps I shouldn't be surprised -- many would say that I haven't grown much in MY need for reassurance. 
I'm here for you always in the way that you have been here for me. 