well I had written a long response but somehow lost it...probably for the better.
first off hugs to you sage!!
now...
calm down...
honestly...what happend last night...no biggie..I've had far far far far worse happen here I've said let's be done with h...h has said let's be done with it...and obviously we aint done with it yet! things are often said in anger and frustration that aren't really meant...think about it what purpose does throwing your hands up in the air really serve?? but when your frustrated and feel like there is nothing you can do your hand seemingly automatically just go up in the air.
sage, she isn't the only person who e-mails him...she never was the only person who e-mails him...that doesn't mean that she still emails him...just means there are other people who e-mail him besides her...now the use of wording wasn't the greatest.
the fact that he sleeps seemignly peacefully while you stay up and cry...oh ya been there done that too...just because they sleep doesn't mean all is pretty nice nice in their minds...just means they shut down and go to sleep.
seems like you and h are able to talk about most things...but the ow topic still seems to bring up defensiveness...I went through the same thing and it only seems recent that I've been able to mention her and ask without him getting defensive...maybe it comes when you get closer to letting go of the ow really letting go of it...then they (the h's) don't feel as attacked (that isn't even the right word) or the bad for causing you this pain...so they are able to answer without being defensive.
sage,
don't think all is lost...it certainly isn't...this is just one part of the puzzle you and h are going to have to work on...and not necessarily together.
