And the day came ...

[sage]

Oh, well, totally crappy stuff going on here tonight. Actually had a pretty good day -- I took the afternoon off for "marital health" reasons -- we went hiking, then relaxed this afternoon, then, ahem, went to our first tango class.

BUT, tonight the crap hit the fan. I went to bed before h. -- he went to check his email. arrgh. I know I have issues with it and that's MY problem but he sensed that I was irritated and came to bed irritated. He said that I always made him feel guilty about checking his email. I said I could see how that would be true but that I always felt insecure when he checked it. I asked if he and ow were still in contact. He said something like "she's not the only one who emails me". I said something like "emails you?" and he said "I was kidding". Yah, nothing like joking aobut the ow to really get the laughs flowing.

He said "honey, let's just get a divorce" then other stuff that we should just throw in the towel, etc, and that I had said that other day that the a. had ruined everything. I said "did not" and we went around on that for a while.

I said "I don't want to feel crappy for the rest of my life and I don't want you to feel guilty and crappy for the rest of yours -- can't we work together on this?" I said "other people heal from affairs" and he said "how do you know that? 'cause they write books?"

I asked him to honestly tell me if he and ow were still in contact. he asked why I thought this answer would be different? what difference would it make? I said well certainly a man who wants a divorce has nothing left to lose by being totally honest. He didn't answer the question.

I asked him if we could work on this together. I asked if he would be willing to open up his email to me for some finite period of time. He asked how long would it take but was sarcastic or something.

I asked if he could talk to me about this -- he said "now?". I left the room. Then things got really stupid -- I went back in, threw on the light and started packing a suitcase. He asked me to turn off the light and when I didn't he threw a bunch of crap up at the light, breaking all the bulbs, etc. I asked him what the hell he was doing -- he said all he wanted was a little courtesy. I said, oh, sorry, I was expecting you to answer the question about your contact with your lover (ugh). He said "i answered the question" (he hadn't). Then he said "the answer is no, we're not in contact".

So, all that's a pretty picture, huh? Sorry for all the gory details. I'm sitting here feeling pretty sorry for myself and of course, feeling like the biggest A$$ in the world. Well, maybe the second biggest.

Sorry especially to all the recent visitors to my thread who seem to think I have such great advice. ha.

Sage