Now I am working on making my own significant events happen rather than waltzing around them! Started my new job this week....just transitioning because I still have my old job! It will be a healthy change for me for I already feel more job satisfaction in just 3 days!
No change with D17 and her dad except he asked her to go on a 3 day vacation with "them" at the end of July. Of course, it's around their schedule, not D17's. He wants her to skip one day of her art program......why couldn't he plan to go one day later (or leave at 3pm instead of 9am?)instead of asking her to do that?
I'm also a bit jealous about the effort he is making in planning things with GF. They have taken more vacations this past year than we did in 5 years. I wanted to send him an email congratulating him on putting so much effort into his new relationship......but I didn't! Just the other day D17 told me she didn't think her dad would ever be happy. She says things now and then, but I am trying to be really good about not asking her anything.
I haven't told ex H about my new job. I know he'll just want to know how much money I am making and see if he can stop making payments! I thought I'd wait until I am there full time and then I'll give him the new phone number for emergencies.
Im'e so happy to hear that your new job is going so well.
Maybe it's GF that is doing all of the planning and xh is just along for the ride so to speak. Your D says she didn't think he would ever be happy again, is she talking present tense. Does he still appear to be unhappy. Sounds like he is still thick in MLC fog. You on the other hand sound wonderful and full of exciting new challenges. Im happy for all that you are acomplishing.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I wrote ex an email asking if D17 could stay with him Wed and Thursday (why wait for him to ask?). I received an email back saying he was going to visit some of our old friends in another state and he wouldn't be back until Friday. I wrote back and simply said, "Have fun. Give them a hug from me. I bet they will enjoy meeting your gf".
I really don't know if he is taking her.....so it will be interesting if he writes back. Maybe I'll hear from my friend there later.....but I know our friends don't want to take sides. I hope if gf goes that they won't like her (just feeling a little childish today!)
I'm in awe of how well you are handling this. I would be livid if my ex thought that he was just going to subject my daughter to his OW. I'm sure it's not easy but you're doing great!
Isn't it interesting that our kids can see what our spouses don't want to face? Sometimes I wonder if they'll ever get sick enough of being unhappy to actually do something about it. I guess time will tell.
Hi Mattie A couple of times I had D13 accompany me when I talked to ladies. One was excellent, very intelligent, and quite friendly the other was also friendly and personable but made promises she did not keep. That was a deal killer for the second lady. The first person was pretty much a sure D13 pleaser. Kinda like promising water is wet.
Thus lesson learned if there is a hint of problems or drama avoid exposing kids. Breaking promises to me is not fun but down here is standard fare but break one to my kid and oh well.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Guess I wasn't clear....jumping from D17 to my ex's trip. I wanted D17 to spend a night or two with her dad so I asked him via email (he has given me his schedule so I asked for 2 nights when he wasn't working). Instead of saying that would be fine he tells me he's going out of state to visit a friend. I knew he wasn't taking D17 out of state.....I just don't know if he's taking his gf to meet all of our old friends (where we used to live). That is the part that makes me so jealous! I WISH he had taken D17!!! She has been anxious to get back there to see her cousins. Oh well. D17 and I were always low priorities.
D17 is wanting to show her independence. She is coming home late. Doesn't want to tell me where she is going. Doesn't want to live with either me or her dad. She keeps saying she wants to move out. She doesn't have a job. I'm getting grayer by the minute! (On the good side she still says she wants to finish high school and go to college. She is involved with an art project that keeps her busy during the day Mon - Thur and she seems to be really enjoying that).
The sad thing is I don't feel I can talk to her dad about this. He'll just blame my messy housekeeping in some form. I have tried to say that she needs to show some responsibiity and then she'll gain more freedom.
