I agreed to this in order to get the weekend visitation that I wanted. I did not want standard weekend visitation. I wanted more, I wanted what I got. I was being realistic, Logistically 50/50 would not have worked, due to where I will be living and how my work schedule is. I know you probably don't agree Ian but it works for me. I'm happy with the visitation I have. So to get what I wanted I agreed to go with a transition period that was recommended by the mediator. I bent to get what I wanted.
I get this completely my friend and you do what you have to do. I wanted full custody of my D14, thought it would be best for her, still do in some ways. However I bent and gave my STBX 3 days a week in order to make things work the way I need them to. My best friend made me understand 2 things, my D14 needs a mother, and I need some time for myself as well. So yes, I so understand this.
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I understand this but don't see any positives at all from her. I just feel done. I just feel like working on my chitt, my future. Do you understand where I'm coming from? I don't know that I'm giving up but I'm not really doing much at all to save it anymore either. I'm just letting it do whatever it's doing..What ever it is..just is.
That's ok to, the last line I mean. Let it do whatever it is going to do. Let's say this my friend, you are not giving up, you are letting go.
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I'm f**king mad Ian. I'm mad that I wrecked a 401k and had my balls slit open for her to have our D and she walks out on me. I'm mad because I never feel like I get a break. I'm mad because I feel I have the worst luck. I'm mad because I'm sitting here crying and having to relive this pain over and over. I want to moving forward. I just want to move forward.
Awe buddy, you did these things out of love. You did them from your heart. Never ever regret your decisions as they are the reason you have that precious little angel that you are fighting so hard for.
Mike, it's ok to cry. AND.... you are moving forward buddy. This is all part of moving forward.
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It makes me feel like a failure. I told myself that it would never/could never happen to me again. It is, I can't stop it. I don't want to live my life alone. I don't want to be a bitter grumpy old man like my dad. I can't believe it has happened to me again.
It sucks a pecker and I'm pissed at myself for being an ass and letting it happen. I'm pissed at recognizing that it was happening but not doing a damn thing about it until it was too late. I'm pissed at her for not trying.
The coolest thing about that relationship that you are forging with your daughter is that it means you will never be alone, ever.
We all look back and see that there were signs that we either missed at the time, or chose to ignore because we never thought they would lead to where we are now. I don't really know anyone on this site that can say they haven't looked back and wondered why they didn't act when they saw the signs.
You have every right to be pissed at her. You have every right to question why she isn't fighting for your family. It is completely ok to have that disappointment in her.
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It's the disrespect and inconsideration she shows me. It's the snide remarks, it's the bitching about the car seat. I'm pissed about it. Lack of respect is a serious thing in my book. It's not a way to treat someone, even if you are considered sick by some people. That's why I feel done. F her. I mean treat me like chitt because you don't want to try anymore?? She's being an ass when she said she would not. She's being a bitch. She's being like her mother. She's not doing things in the best interest of D.
I know Mike, but all you can do is focus on what is within your span of control. Her behavior is not one of those things. You can choose to not listen, you can choose to walk away, and you can choose to ask her to not disrespect you. You cannot however alter her behaviors. She is what she is right now and there is nothing you can do about it. Focus on what you can control.
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I know and understand all this and appreciate everyone. This post has put me in a bad place. I felt good, now I feel drained and tired. I dread tomorrow. I don't know why I have to continue reliving this stuff. It's like a bad movie that's stuck in one place..it's just over and over and over.
Ian, am I screwed up?? Do I need to go see my doctor? Do you think I'm coping OK?? I'm just tired of dealing with this stuff. I'm just tired. I know everyone is here for me but there's nothing to do..I mean absolutely nothing. Just be my friend. Just be a friend to me. Just listen. I don't know. I really don't know.
Your not screwed up Mike. The guy who comes on here and says he is fine and dandy with everything. The guy who simply decides to walk away from his wife and kids because it is too difficult to stand. Those are the guys that are screwed up. YOU sir are about as normal as it gets. If it is overwhelming, talk to your doc.
Don't look at this last post as a negative. It was probably your most real and emotion filled post I have read in a while and I love that you opened up and really said what it is you are feeling inside. Yes it is draining, but you are getting it out.
Stand up Mike, recognize that you are a very good man in a horrible situation and you are doing all you can do right now. You have friends who will listen to all of this here. I am proud to be one of them. Don't be upset right now, be very very proud of yourself for opening up and feeling. Tired can be from many different things Mike, one of which is from feeling. Anytime you have a big emotional day you will be tired and although it just sucks to feel so drained, it's also a good thing because once you sleep and reenergize you are going to feel good about getting some of this out.
I have a dear friend on these boards that posts under the name of Kman. he is a two time DBer and I think he can help you out some with coping through the second marriage part of all this. I will send him your way my friend. Give him a day or so as he is a very busy guy.......
Take care of yourself and for goodness sakes get some sleep.
