Mulesqb still getting kicked in the a$$

[Arthur]

I don't think that's a backslide at all sir. think you played it weel. interested what others say though.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Mules,

My wife asked me the same thing. I thought about it for a moment, and told her it was a great question, and I was glad she asked me. I then told her "Several reasons.

1. Because I take vows seriously, and I made a commitment before God to honor you;

2. Because I don't want to teach our children that when things get tough, you cut and run;

3. Because I loved her;

4. Because I didn't want to go to my deathbed with regret that I didn't try to do everything I possibly could to try and save the marriage;

and

5. Because if the situation were reversed -- say, I had a drinking or a gambling problem or something -- I would hope that you would do the same thing and fight for me.

She just smiled, and then cried.

Puppy

[Bworl]

Seriously, what you said was absolutely fine.

I might have left off the part about wanting her to be happy, even if it meant her leaving. I never really felt that way, doubt that you really do if you're honest, so I wouldn't have said it.

Otherwise you did great.

You do know that it's ok to say "I love you" and similar things, right? I mean, don't smother her with them, but if the reason behind your actions is the love you have for her, and she asks for a reason, tell her the truth.


Very powerful the truth is.


Bill

[mulesqb]

Puppy - I love every point you made. I wish I could think on my feet that fast.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Mules,

Thanks, but I had already thought pretty long and hard about it. As in, "WTF do I still want with her, anyway???!"

LOL

- Puppy

[mulesqb]

Thanks Bill - especially for the encouragement. It's been a rough day. When I got home I found out the full extent of what went on here and it's not pretty. Her Dad came over to help watch the kids as she had to take S14 to school for one final test. When she got home she had a total meltdown. Now let me preface that by saying that at the beginning of her menstrual cycle she has been getting over-the-top emotional. It's been going on for at least 6 months. She gets irrational and has one or two complete meltdowns. Apparently she had one today as S14 heard her yelling at my FIL. She was saying things like she doesn't want to be a wife or a mom anymore, she doesn't want anything (money), she wants to be alone, she doesn't respect me because I don't discipline the kids enough, the sight of me makes her want to vomit., she doesn't love me she has just been faking it. Apparently my FIL went back at her and said that he thinks I am doing the best I can with the kids under the circumstances and that they can't be treated the way she wants to treat them and that they are hurting and need love. He also said he thinks she is making the biggest mistake of her life because she needs help and is making some very bad decisions.

WOW I don't know what to say, but 2 hours later she called me at my office and cried her heart out to me and said things like - she is lost and can't find her way, she doesn't know how she got here, she is depressed, the kids are driving her crazy, etc...nothing about me. That's when I told her I loved her and posted earlier.

Now what do I do? I am going off the deep end here and have no answers. She did say she wants to leave and be alone and doesn't want anything. Quite honestly I would take that in a heartbeat, so we can each have time and space. I love her more than anything but this is killing us all. I don't think a therapist is enough, I really think she is on the verge of a breakdown. How can you "act" the way she did all weekend and then flip out and say those things??

Does anyone have any thoughts. I am struggling - but she is struggling worse - I want to help so bad - this is an awful, awful sitch. I am detaching right now. I'm on here and then will go to bed.

HELP!!!!

Bill - I was all set to give her the book tonight until I heard what went down here this afternoon.

[mulesqb]

Puppy - I'm real sad tonight. I had the exact same thought and it scares me to death.

[mulesqb]

Update - She told me she took one of her tranquilizer pills today. She had a panic attack last October at work. She went to the hospital and they prescribed a tranquilizer for her. A few months back she just called the doctor for a refill and they gave it to her - no questions asked. She took one after she got off the phone with me today. She's fairly numb tonight.

I feel like we are Casa Dysfunctional right now. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself right now and come up with a real plan.

[mulesqb]

By the way - after all the things she said about me this afternoon (which I don't know about) - she is being very nice to me.

Guys - this sucks - I don't know what to do.

Someone made a point earlier that she needs to know what it's like to live without me. I feel like I should help - but I think she does need to know what its like. She needs to figure this out for herself. But its hard to sit and watch someone you love so much, hurt so much.

[mulesqb]

I might have left off the part about wanting her to be happy, even if it meant her leaving. I never really felt that way, doubt that you really do if you're honest, so I wouldn't have said it.

Good point - I did say it would take forever to get over.