Fishing, Dogs and Divorce.....OH MY!!!

[smartcookie]

I'm not trying to control anything because I know I can't.

It's just a lack of respect thing I think..I sense no respectorconsideration from her and it really makes me angry. Not angry all the time but like flashes of anger for short periods..like I'll think of something that was said and just get so pissed..beyond pissed, then I'll level out and be Ok for a while.

That's EXACTLY what I was going through for months. But, it's gone now. I don't know how much is related to an anti-anxiety pill, & how much because of all the other stuff. sorry.

[smartcookie]

Any SSRI, like prozac or similar.

[ernest88]

Any SSRI, like prozac or similar.

Prozac is for depression right?? Is this depression?? I feel ok. I'm doing lots of stuff and able to function. Could I be depressed and not know it?? Or is it like I think it is and just pissed?

Am I now a WAS??

I'm freakin confused about all this..That's for sure.

[sofaraway]

First of all, don't you worry about pissing me off. I have a way of rubbing some folks the wrong way sometimes with my posts and you would certainly not be the first to respond with some sort of disdain for it. This:

Do I just keep playing nice when she gives me the daily bitch fit? Do I just keep making her dinner, meeting her at the car?? Do I just keep on and on and on doing what I'm doing? Do I just change for the better and continue as is even though she paints me as a bad father during mediation...Do I just act "as if" when she says my D is better off staying with her step mom when W is away on business trips than staying with me?? Even though I've always been the one to keep D?? Due to the things she said Ian there is now a transition period that has to take place before D can stay overnight in my new place..is that fair Ian? 3 weeks before D can stay overnight when I move out...I'm the one who changed the first diaper Ian..I'm the one who was there when she was sick..I'm the one who went to the doctor. I'm the one who took care of her when my W's shitty attitude started..

Absolutely not. I am not being an asss here, but you treat your wife like a new puppy. You reward the positive behaviors and you put her in a cage when she acts the fool.

Why is there a transition period, is this court ordered? If it's not you tell her to stick that garbage where the sun doesnt shine. You are that childs father and have every right to have her. You have just as much right to your D as she does and do not for one minute allow her to get away with that crap.

So your saying, do what I want. Don't give a rats ass about her but fight for my M till the end?

Yep, thats exactly what I am saying. If you are fighting for it just for her, you will never get what you need. Even if she came back it would be under false pretenses as you would not have represented yourself the way you want to be.

You tell me to get her out of my thought process and that I am not done. You tell me this is all about me and I feel it is. I'm GAl'ing like crazy with no regard really. You say I don't need a 2x4 but feel like I've just been thumped with a 8x8. then you tell me to get back in the game and fight for my M.

I said you don't need one, I didnt say I wasn't giving you one. I am not a person who holds back. That was not an 8x8, you don't want one of those from me and you don't deserve one at this point. I did however feel that you needed a reminder about what all of this is about. About why you came here in the first place. About what is important here, your feelings when all is said and done.

I know you believe in me and I know other people do too. I'm confident in my self..but it's pretty clear that I don't know what the hell I'm doing..or I'm doubting like hell...

Who knows??

You do know what you are doing, unfortunately you are a man and for some reason the fact that we have a penis seems to be a good enough reason for us to not analyze our emotions when we get upset. It does not allow us to admit fear, sadness, disappointment, tears, sense of loss, or just plain old self doubt. It's as if our twig and berries won't work if god forbid we say that we are scared and the reason we are angry is because we simply don't know what else to be.

It takes a huge set of balls to be able to open your heart and trust the folks here with your deepest emotions. It takes a real man to answer the questions posed to him by openly and honestly letting others in. What I want Mike is for you to really look at the anger lately and find out why it is really there. That is what I meant by not about her, I don't want to hear what she is doing, I want to know what YOU are really feeling.

When you read what I wrote about your vows, how did that make you feel? I can tell you that as I wrote it, my eyes welled up with tears because it has reminded me what is important. It reminded me that this is not about anything more than a commitment that I made and have tried my damndest to honor. When you chose to marry for a second time I imagine your vows were twice as important to you, how does that play into the breakdown of your marriage Mike?

I guess I'm not. I have been doing, saying, feeling and acting the way I want. She is not dictating what I do. As a matter of fact I'm doing what I want, she really does not know what I'm doing. All she knows is my cell is with me and if she needs me then I can be reached. There is really no communication at all now.

I get that brother. I am not questioning at all that you have been GALing and doing stuff for you. I am not questioning you at all in regards to detachment physically. I am concerned about the emotional detachment and where you are with that. There is a reason for every feeling we have. Lately you have had several feelings, the last post on your last thread, that was a serious feeling, why did you have it?

I know that you are not focused on her in your day to day routines. I also know that it is not that simple to detach from her in your head and heart.

Believe me when I tell you that I am not trying to brow beat you in any way shape or form. I merely know that lately when I read your thread and the feelings you have expressed, I feel your pain, I feel your sorrow, and I have been where you are and know what you are going through. I have been known as a brick wall around here at times because I would not address the deeper issues. I could face the basics head on but to open myself up was a very difficult task. Understand that every single person on here feels your pain. We all know what the nights can be like. We all know that none of this is easy. We all know that you are a special man and a great father who is going through a very difficult time and we all want to be here for YOU........

Ian

[karen43]

Hi, Mike! I somehow have seen your name around so wanted to meet you and come by your thread. I read your recent post today, and will have to go into the others too. I find it interesting that you're having anger #s, b/c I have been having those too recently. I think I was channeling my anger into hatred for the OW, but got the divorce papers in the mail last week and since then I feel a good amount of anger at my H. I'm tired of his stupidity (I used to respect him for his intelligence but he doesn't seem to use it anymore) and somebody mentioned fear, and I think that's part of it--H put in the d papers that he wants the kids to live with him instead of me like they have been basically for their lives.

But anyway, I really have absolutely no advice to offer about anger, b/c I'm struggling with that too recently. Maybe it's kind of a natural reaction when one is betrayed by a loved one to feel anger? But I would like to lessen it at least, b/c I don't want to be an angry, bitter person and decided that long ago (easier said than done I guess). Hope you don't mind me posting on your thread! Karen

[ernest88]

Believe me, I'm trying to learn. You have never rubbed me the wrong way.

Why is there a transition period, is this court ordered?

I agreed to this in order to get the weekend visitation that I wanted. I did not want standard weekend visitation. I wanted more, I wanted what I got. I was being realistic, Logistically 50/50 would not have worked, due to where I will be living and how my work schedule is. I know you probably don't agree Ian but it works for me. I'm happy with the visitation I have. So to get what I wanted I agreed to go with a transition period that was recommended by the mediator. I bent to get what I wanted.

Yep, thats exactly what I am saying. If you are fighting for it just for her, you will never get what you need. Even if she came back it would be under false pretenses as you would not have represented yourself the way you want to be.

I understand this but don't see any positives at all from her. I just feel done. I just feel like working on my chitt, my future. Do you understand where I'm coming from? I don't know that I'm giving up but I'm not really doing much at all to save it anymore either. I'm just letting it do whatever it's doing..What ever it is..just is.

You do know what you are doing, unfortunately you are a man and for some reason the fact that we have a penis seems to be a good enough reason for us to not analyze our emotions when we get upset. It does not allow us to admit fear, sadness, disappointment, tears, sense of loss, or just plain old self doubt. It's as if our twig and berries won't work if god forbid we say that we are scared and the reason we are angry is because we simply don't know what else to be.

It takes a huge set of balls to be able to open your heart and trust the folks here with your deepest emotions. It takes a real man to answer the questions posed to him by openly and honestly letting others in. What I want Mike is for you to really look at the anger lately and find out why it is really there. That is what I meant by not about her, I don't want to hear what she is doing, I want to know what YOU are really feeling.

I'm f**king mad Ian. I'm mad that I wrecked a 401k and had my balls slit open for her to have our D and she walks out on me. I'm mad because I never feel like I get a break. I'm mad because I feel I have the worst luck. I'm mad because I'm sitting here crying and having to relive this pain over and over. I want to moving forward. I just want to move forward.

When you read what I wrote about your vows, how did that make you feel? I can tell you that as I wrote it, my eyes welled up with tears because it has reminded me what is important. It reminded me that this is not about anything more than a commitment that I made and have tried my damndest to honor. When you chose to marry for a second time I imagine your vows were twice as important to you, how does that play into the breakdown of your marriage Mike?

It makes me feel like a failure. I told myself that it would never/could never happen to me again. It is, I can't stop it. I don't want to live my life alone. I don't want to be a bitter grumpy old man like my dad. I can't believe it has happened to me again.

It sucks a pecker and I'm pissed at myself for being an ass and letting it happen. I'm pissed at recognizing that it was happening but not doing a damn thing about it until it was too late. I'm pissed at her for not trying.

Lately you have had several feelings, the last post on your last thread, that was a serious feeling, why did you have it?

It's the disrespect and inconsideration she shows me. It's the snide remarks, it's the bitching about the car seat. I'm pissed about it. Lack of respect is a serious thing in my book. It's not a way to treat someone, even if you are considered sick by some people. That's why I feel done. F her. I mean treat me like chitt because you don't want to try anymore?? She's being an ass when she said she would not. She's being a bitch. She's being like her mother. She's not doing things in the best interest of D.

Believe me when I tell you that I am not trying to brow beat you in any way shape or form. I merely know that lately when I read your thread and the feelings you have expressed, I feel your pain, I feel your sorrow, and I have been where you are and know what you are going through. I have been known as a brick wall around here at times because I would not address the deeper issues. I could face the basics head on but to open myself up was a very difficult task. Understand that every single person on here feels your pain. We all know what the nights can be like. We all know that none of this is easy. We all know that you are a special man and a great father who is going through a very difficult time and we all want to be here for YOU........

I know and understand all this and appreciate everyone. This post has put me in a bad place. I felt good, now I feel drained and tired. I dread tomorrow. I don't know why I have to continue reliving this stuff. It's like a bad movie that's stuck in one place..it's just over and over and over.

Ian, am I screwed up?? Do I need to go see my doctor? Do you think I'm coping OK?? I'm just tired of dealing with this stuff. I'm just tired. I know everyone is here for me but there's nothing to do..I mean absolutely nothing. Just be my friend. Just be a friend to me. Just listen. I don't know. I really don't know.

[ernest88]

Hi, Mike! I somehow have seen your name around so wanted to meet you and come by your thread. I read your recent post today, and will have to go into the others too. I find it interesting that you're having anger #s, b/c I have been having those too recently. I think I was channeling my anger into hatred for the OW, but got the divorce papers in the mail last week and since then I feel a good amount of anger at my H. I'm tired of his stupidity (I used to respect him for his intelligence but he doesn't seem to use it anymore) and somebody mentioned fear, and I think that's part of it--H put in the d papers that he wants the kids to live with him instead of me like they have been basically for their lives.

But anyway, I really have absolutely no advice to offer about anger, b/c I'm struggling with that too recently. Maybe it's kind of a natural reaction when one is betrayed by a loved one to feel anger? But I would like to lessen it at least, b/c I don't want to be an angry, bitter person and decided that long ago (easier said than done I guess). Hope you don't mind me posting on your thread! Karen

Hi Karen, I'm glad you stopped by. I'm trying to keep the anger from making me bitter. Had lots of bitterness after the failure of my 1st M. It makes for a bad life. I think if you can channel the anger then maybe the bitterness won't set in. I'll stop by your thread tomorrow..I just made a real long post that took the sap out of me..I hope you understand.

[smartcookie]

Mike, you are not screwed up. Everything you are feeling is normal & expected when going through a D. I think you've been coping amazingly. Stuff has just piled up.

Prozac is used for numerous things. It keeps serotonin (the feel good chemical) in your brain a little longer. That's it.
So, it can help with anxiety, anger, depression, etc. Go talk to your Dr. It's just a co-pay right. Tell him how you're doing, what you're going through. See what he thinks. It can't hurt to get the information on it at least. Maybe I'm way off base here. Maybe you're just going through the grieving process & this is part of it. I just know in my sitch, I couldn't pull myself up anymore. I wanted help. It was the right thing for me. jmo

[ernest88]

Mike, you are not screwed up. Everything you are feeling is normal & expected when going through a D. I think you've been coping amazingly. Stuff has just piled up.

Prozac is used for numerous things. It keeps serotonin (the feel good chemical) in your brain a little longer. That's it.
So, it can help with anxiety, anger, depression, etc. Go talk to your Dr. It's just a co-pay right. Tell him how you're doing, what you're going through. See what he thinks. It can't hurt to get the information on it at least. Maybe I'm way off base here. Maybe you're just going through the grieving process & this is part of it. I just know in my sitch, I couldn't pull myself up anymore. I wanted help. It was the right thing for me. jmo

I know SC. I just don't feel I need it. I mean I'm very active right now. I'm doing all a normal person does. I'm not down. I'm not laying around thinking about this all the time.

My Dr. knows..I saw him about a month ago for blood work. he knows the sitch. He said call if you need something. I just don;t want to take it if I don't need it.

[karen43]

Ian, am I screwed up?? Do I need to go see my doctor? Do you think I'm coping OK?? I'm just tired of dealing with this stuff. I'm just tired. I know everyone is here for me but there's nothing to do..I mean absolutely nothing. Just be my friend. Just be a friend to me. Just listen. I don't know. I really don't know.

Sorry about posting on this, b/c I don't "know" you that well obviously, but I have actually suffered from depression. When I really suffered from it (last year) I had it for many months actually. Now that I've gotten help (C, AD's, etc.) I just have depression usually more short-term like a day or 2. I think you have to see how long you have feelings of depression or anger and if they are for a few months, or really strong feelings (I wouldn't wait if you were suicidal or homicidal of course which I don't think you are), but anyway I think that's maybe how you should det. if you need a doctor, I wouldn't worry if you are feeling down for a week or two though (but after 2 months or so I would prob. want to see a doctor). Karen