Fishing, Dogs and Divorce.....OH MY!!!

[ernest88]

Believe me, I'm trying to learn. You have never rubbed me the wrong way.

Why is there a transition period, is this court ordered?

I agreed to this in order to get the weekend visitation that I wanted. I did not want standard weekend visitation. I wanted more, I wanted what I got. I was being realistic, Logistically 50/50 would not have worked, due to where I will be living and how my work schedule is. I know you probably don't agree Ian but it works for me. I'm happy with the visitation I have. So to get what I wanted I agreed to go with a transition period that was recommended by the mediator. I bent to get what I wanted.

Yep, thats exactly what I am saying. If you are fighting for it just for her, you will never get what you need. Even if she came back it would be under false pretenses as you would not have represented yourself the way you want to be.

I understand this but don't see any positives at all from her. I just feel done. I just feel like working on my chitt, my future. Do you understand where I'm coming from? I don't know that I'm giving up but I'm not really doing much at all to save it anymore either. I'm just letting it do whatever it's doing..What ever it is..just is.

You do know what you are doing, unfortunately you are a man and for some reason the fact that we have a penis seems to be a good enough reason for us to not analyze our emotions when we get upset. It does not allow us to admit fear, sadness, disappointment, tears, sense of loss, or just plain old self doubt. It's as if our twig and berries won't work if god forbid we say that we are scared and the reason we are angry is because we simply don't know what else to be.

It takes a huge set of balls to be able to open your heart and trust the folks here with your deepest emotions. It takes a real man to answer the questions posed to him by openly and honestly letting others in. What I want Mike is for you to really look at the anger lately and find out why it is really there. That is what I meant by not about her, I don't want to hear what she is doing, I want to know what YOU are really feeling.

I'm f**king mad Ian. I'm mad that I wrecked a 401k and had my balls slit open for her to have our D and she walks out on me. I'm mad because I never feel like I get a break. I'm mad because I feel I have the worst luck. I'm mad because I'm sitting here crying and having to relive this pain over and over. I want to moving forward. I just want to move forward.

When you read what I wrote about your vows, how did that make you feel? I can tell you that as I wrote it, my eyes welled up with tears because it has reminded me what is important. It reminded me that this is not about anything more than a commitment that I made and have tried my damndest to honor. When you chose to marry for a second time I imagine your vows were twice as important to you, how does that play into the breakdown of your marriage Mike?

It makes me feel like a failure. I told myself that it would never/could never happen to me again. It is, I can't stop it. I don't want to live my life alone. I don't want to be a bitter grumpy old man like my dad. I can't believe it has happened to me again.

It sucks a pecker and I'm pissed at myself for being an ass and letting it happen. I'm pissed at recognizing that it was happening but not doing a damn thing about it until it was too late. I'm pissed at her for not trying.

Lately you have had several feelings, the last post on your last thread, that was a serious feeling, why did you have it?

It's the disrespect and inconsideration she shows me. It's the snide remarks, it's the bitching about the car seat. I'm pissed about it. Lack of respect is a serious thing in my book. It's not a way to treat someone, even if you are considered sick by some people. That's why I feel done. F her. I mean treat me like chitt because you don't want to try anymore?? She's being an ass when she said she would not. She's being a bitch. She's being like her mother. She's not doing things in the best interest of D.

Believe me when I tell you that I am not trying to brow beat you in any way shape or form. I merely know that lately when I read your thread and the feelings you have expressed, I feel your pain, I feel your sorrow, and I have been where you are and know what you are going through. I have been known as a brick wall around here at times because I would not address the deeper issues. I could face the basics head on but to open myself up was a very difficult task. Understand that every single person on here feels your pain. We all know what the nights can be like. We all know that none of this is easy. We all know that you are a special man and a great father who is going through a very difficult time and we all want to be here for YOU........

I know and understand all this and appreciate everyone. This post has put me in a bad place. I felt good, now I feel drained and tired. I dread tomorrow. I don't know why I have to continue reliving this stuff. It's like a bad movie that's stuck in one place..it's just over and over and over.

Ian, am I screwed up?? Do I need to go see my doctor? Do you think I'm coping OK?? I'm just tired of dealing with this stuff. I'm just tired. I know everyone is here for me but there's nothing to do..I mean absolutely nothing. Just be my friend. Just be a friend to me. Just listen. I don't know. I really don't know.