First of all, don't you worry about pissing me off. I have a way of rubbing some folks the wrong way sometimes with my posts and you would certainly not be the first to respond with some sort of disdain for it. This:
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Do I just keep playing nice when she gives me the daily bitch fit? Do I just keep making her dinner, meeting her at the car?? Do I just keep on and on and on doing what I'm doing? Do I just change for the better and continue as is even though she paints me as a bad father during mediation...Do I just act "as if" when she says my D is better off staying with her step mom when W is away on business trips than staying with me?? Even though I've always been the one to keep D?? Due to the things she said Ian there is now a transition period that has to take place before D can stay overnight in my new place..is that fair Ian? 3 weeks before D can stay overnight when I move out...I'm the one who changed the first diaper Ian..I'm the one who was there when she was sick..I'm the one who went to the doctor. I'm the one who took care of her when my W's shitty attitude started..
Absolutely not. I am not being an asss here, but you treat your wife like a new puppy. You reward the positive behaviors and you put her in a cage when she acts the fool.
Why is there a transition period, is this court ordered? If it's not you tell her to stick that garbage where the sun doesnt shine. You are that childs father and have every right to have her. You have just as much right to your D as she does and do not for one minute allow her to get away with that crap.
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So your saying, do what I want. Don't give a rats ass about her but fight for my M till the end?
Yep, thats exactly what I am saying. If you are fighting for it just for her, you will never get what you need. Even if she came back it would be under false pretenses as you would not have represented yourself the way you want to be.
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You tell me to get her out of my thought process and that I am not done. You tell me this is all about me and I feel it is. I'm GAl'ing like crazy with no regard really. You say I don't need a 2x4 but feel like I've just been thumped with a 8x8. then you tell me to get back in the game and fight for my M.
I said you don't need one, I didnt say I wasn't giving you one. I am not a person who holds back. That was not an 8x8, you don't want one of those from me and you don't deserve one at this point. I did however feel that you needed a reminder about what all of this is about. About why you came here in the first place. About what is important here, your feelings when all is said and done.
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I know you believe in me and I know other people do too. I'm confident in my self..but it's pretty clear that I don't know what the hell I'm doing..or I'm doubting like hell...
Who knows??
You do know what you are doing, unfortunately you are a man and for some reason the fact that we have a penis seems to be a good enough reason for us to not analyze our emotions when we get upset. It does not allow us to admit fear, sadness, disappointment, tears, sense of loss, or just plain old self doubt. It's as if our twig and berries won't work if god forbid we say that we are scared and the reason we are angry is because we simply don't know what else to be.
It takes a huge set of balls to be able to open your heart and trust the folks here with your deepest emotions. It takes a real man to answer the questions posed to him by openly and honestly letting others in. What I want Mike is for you to really look at the anger lately and find out why it is really there. That is what I meant by not about her, I don't want to hear what she is doing, I want to know what YOU are really feeling.
When you read what I wrote about your vows, how did that make you feel? I can tell you that as I wrote it, my eyes welled up with tears because it has reminded me what is important. It reminded me that this is not about anything more than a commitment that I made and have tried my damndest to honor. When you chose to marry for a second time I imagine your vows were twice as important to you, how does that play into the breakdown of your marriage Mike?
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I guess I'm not. I have been doing, saying, feeling and acting the way I want. She is not dictating what I do. As a matter of fact I'm doing what I want, she really does not know what I'm doing. All she knows is my cell is with me and if she needs me then I can be reached. There is really no communication at all now.
I get that brother. I am not questioning at all that you have been GALing and doing stuff for you. I am not questioning you at all in regards to detachment physically. I am concerned about the emotional detachment and where you are with that. There is a reason for every feeling we have. Lately you have had several feelings, the last post on your last thread, that was a serious feeling, why did you have it?
I know that you are not focused on her in your day to day routines. I also know that it is not that simple to detach from her in your head and heart.
Believe me when I tell you that I am not trying to brow beat you in any way shape or form. I merely know that lately when I read your thread and the feelings you have expressed, I feel your pain, I feel your sorrow, and I have been where you are and know what you are going through. I have been known as a brick wall around here at times because I would not address the deeper issues. I could face the basics head on but to open myself up was a very difficult task. Understand that every single person on here feels your pain. We all know what the nights can be like. We all know that none of this is easy. We all know that you are a special man and a great father who is going through a very difficult time and we all want to be here for YOU........
