HeartScared, I have also turned to God in this troubeling time. It is amazing the amount of strength it has given me. I pray so much now, when I never used to unless if it was with my husband before dinner (Thanking God for our Blessings).
Now, I need to turn our Reconciliation over to God also. It is my only hope. I know I cant change my H and he seems to be detatching from me again since our argument this week end.
We hadnt had a fight in a while, since I was just biting my lip about his drinking, rejecting me to go sit at bars, and flirting. So I "acted as if" for as long as I could then when I got a little bit of alcohol in me at our friends surprise party its like all of my emotions come flooding back.
I agree with you when you say to not contact him and let him come to me. However, tonight is the very last time his band will play together and I feel like I should be there to see them whether or not we are in a rut. I have a feeling that I will go, and as soon as they are done playing I will say a quick "hi" and then leave.
I guess I feel like I need to support him, despite the conditions of our M. Plus, if I didnt go - he would probably get more upset with me for dissing him because I always go watch them play.
I am hoping it will actually be a good ice breaker since we havnt really seen each other or talked much since the argument. We both know that we will not get into any of our issues out in public, so it should be a good way to ease the tension I am hoping.
Wish me luck, and I will update tonight or tommorow with how things went. Thanks again, TIPPER
Well, I went to his gig last night and things went o.k. & maybe even a little better than I had expected.
They played for 2 hours since it was there last show (usually they only play for about a half hour) they did great and every regular at the bar was giving them a nice round of applause for thier bon voyage. Lots of people were allready trying to help find them a new guitar player so they can continue to play - who knows what will end up happening.
My H had on his wedding band and gave me a smile when he saw I was there. When they were done, he came right up to me and things were very awkward. We both just smiled for a while and then he thanked me for coming and I told him how great they did.
I asked him if he still wants to try to work things out with me and he said "yes, but I dont want you or I to be in a world of hurt & thats how things appear to him". I said "my hurt doesnt matter because I know I love you and want to work through things with you". He did say he loves me and then walked me to my car as usuall on my way out. I asked him if he will give me a call & he said yes.
I plan on detatching a bit now. I will let him call and come to me when he feels ready. I dont want to appear like I am chasing him or desperate for his love. So tonight I have bowling, tomorrow I am shopping for several friends b-day gifts, and thursday I have trivia night. I will just continue to do what I do, and see if he makes any effort to see me before the weekend comes.
I am glad he didnt want to end things, but unfortunately I am not glad that when I feel hurt (due to what I've been through with him & what he continues to put me through) he gets mad at me and acts like things wont work between us.
I guess I have to get a lot better about biting my lip and dealing with some of this MLC/alien behavior on my own and not crying to him. I just hope I am not setting myself up for future failure or a life of unhappiness due to him never getting back to the man he used to be.
Thanks for the book suggestion & I am most likely going to look into alanon if things continue as is for too much longer. TIPPER
Is it stupid of me to have expected him to actually call me? Because its 11:20 and he has not called me for the first time in the two months that we have been peicing to talk about our day (I go bowling with my dad)? He usually asks how I bowled and Tells me about his evening (he's always at a bar).
I cant help but think that I am just putting up with some major disrespect and blatent alcoholism at its worst.
He is all of a sudden mad at me and distant becuase I was crying and hurt about him telling me Saturday on the way to a rest./bar that I should be forwarned about another girl that is flirting with him and all over him that works there at this place that he frequents.
I guess if there is one thing that I have learned from this last year is that I need to have my own self-respect and not call him tonight to say "i love you" even though I really want to. I think that he needs some time away obviously and I asked him last night if he would call me and he said he would. So I guess I need to have patience.
And if and when he calls me I will be busy on wed. -shopping, and on thurs.-Trivia night, and then the weekends always something with my group of friends. So the next thing ya know it will be sunday- mine & my dads birthday & the bowling banquet.
I dont know if i should be putting up with a H who is at the bar 5-6 nights a week and always putting down my family and friends & constantly making very shallow new aquaintences.
BUT I LOVE HIM STILL. I am dying to call him but I dont think I will. I feel like he needs to come to me - I made the effort the last two nights and he has been distant. TIPPER
Ok I am going to tell you what a really good friend of mine told me about calling and texting them. Do not call or them because if they do not respond you will be hurt so in order to NOT set yourself up for pain, do not call nor text him. That way when he does call or text you YOU can decide what to do next.
I know with my H he just does not call or answer all the time. It has nothing to do with me. He does it to everyone. I dont know why, no one does. His brother got upset about it.
I just figure its a part of this weirdness. Let him surprise you. You can tell him you love him. Send it in a thought, not a call or text, as a thought you are sending to him.
HeartScared, I didnt call him last night even though I really wanted to badly. I have been so scared all last night and this morning becuase he is not calling me.
He and I both have no other hobbies/meetings or previous plans for the night tonight. So I would normally expect to see him, but I am afraid he simply is leaving our M again.
I plan on going shopping after work today for some gifts and then I really would love to invite him to come over and eat dinner with me. However, I am afraid that he will reject me. Even worse right now, is that I dont know what he is thinking and I just want to call him to see how he treats me so I can tell if he was just being nice to my face the other night.
I have been thinking about texting him today when I get home from work and saying that I am going to the mall and invite him to come over afterwards for dinner.
I am so torn, I have allready reached out to him twice since my blow up at him, and he is apparently ignoring me. I am so down and out all over again. My stomach hurts and I have not been able to stop crying all day. I am so afraid he wants to end this again.
Dont call or text because if you do and he cant talk or respond you will feel worse.
I have been standing for awhile now and I have noticed that when standers are having a hard time we all tend to have a hard time at the same time. It comes in waves. Pray instead. Pray and read scriptures.
I cant tell you how much I appreciate you following my thread and giving me advise. I feel like I have been going nutty lately. I didnt see your last response before now, and I guess things worked out anyways.
I sat and read some scriptures today and prayed a lot. On my way home from work, I couldnt take the distance anymore and I kept trying to tell myself that no matter what I need to forgive him, in order to ever heal whether it is with him or not. So I text him.
I said i was going to the mall and plan to be home by 7:00 and i was wondering if he would be interested in coming over for dinner.
He said Sure. He text me at 7 and said that he had just gotten done working and sorry he would be late. I said no problem. I had dinner ready when he got here. We had a good night.
He brought over some movies and we watched one. Then he asked if I wanted to take a walk on the golf course out back with the dog, and that was nice. He was loving but distant and seemed a bit down.
He made some plans with me for our next few days, and actually finally asked if I would like to go golfing this sat. (I had been suggesting it for a while). He told me he loved me and gave me a kiss on his way out.
Overall, it felt like a positive evening and I have to be way more patient than I was first thinking. He has a long ways to go yet until he is out of his fog.
I think that it was a good thing to call him tonight. Sometimes I feel like, my H often feels like I dont accept him. Its not that I dont accept him, its that I get hurt by many of the choices he has made.
I hope we are on the right foot for getting back on track. I feel a bit relieved, what a day!!!! TIPPER
