For me, wishing someone in this type of situation "the best" means wishing that he will be at peace at his choice, that he understnad and is willing to accept the consequences of the choice and eventually find his own happiness. Like a stealer, the laws are there and in an ideal situation, we would hope that the education and law system will deter a person from stealing. But having laid out hte rules and boundaries, if the stealer still want to commit a crime, and get caught and jailed, that will be the consequences he will have to face. And by wishing someone like that "the best" may mean he is fully aware of the jail term and is ready to accept it. Yes, it is not fair that the person who's stolen from gets hurt or whatever. And the victim does not have to forgive, but hopefully the victim needs to learn to let go, learn from this, understand that life is not perfect and move on. That's how I try to think anyway.
Your H may have people around him who do not care about the A, LO. You can choose not to associate with them. Or involve them in the good qualities that they have, but limit exposure to the qualities that you do not agree with. I see people around me, including myself, who are not perfect or with traits that I don't like. But they are not my husband. My H is the only one that I want to be completely open and commmitted in an exclusive R. Other people, I may care for them but I can set boundaries to the exposure or my relationship with them.
This is getting preachy so sorry about that. Your H is not the person you want to be with now. You want a committed man and he is not, currently. He is an adult and he can have whatever moral value system he wants to have. You are setting boundaries not to get yourself hurt or your D hurt (hence the lawyer and the custody). You are setting boundaries not to hurt him, it's only done because you, as a mother and a STBX-wife, do not want to get hurt, or to have this value system passed on to your DD.
