When I get riled at or by spouse, I do something physical first, then figure out how to handle the situation.
My mom swears by this little prayer. I of course disdained it. I've used it a few times recently, repeating it over and over, during highly stressful times. "Come to me Holy Ghost." Darn.. something like that. Anyway, it's been a blessing in some of the most emotional situations.
Take deep breaths and think of all you have in life to be grateful for.
Figure out what triggered the anger and check it off the list. I'm doing that with spouse. There's less and less he can use to provoke me or upset me.
Decide what type of person you want to be going in to this, through this and when you get out. I'm choosing to be the best person possible and in the process am learning to not be a doormat or automatically cave if think someone (kids, spouse, friends, lawyer, strangers) doesn't like me.
Get out of your head. Think outside the body. Do instead of fume.
Try that one thing you keep putting off. Doing something special with your little girlie. Go practice your 'man hugs'. Hang out with a friend who makes you laugh. Eat the biggest bowl of chili and fart in a crowded elevator...okay, maybe not that one.
Treat yourself and those around you with quiet respect.
*hugs*
You're a good guy. Remember that.
Anger lasts two seconds. How you deal with it is your choice. Use the force wisely.
Figure out what triggered the anger and check it off the list.
her being disrespectful and inconsiderate are bringing the anger on I'm sure.
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Decide what type of person you want to be going in to this, through this and when you get out.
Well, I wanted to be better but looks like at the moment it's "Ass Vs. Ass" and I'm holding my own.
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Get out of your head. Think outside the body.
My head is quite scary at the moment. It's not a good place to be.
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Eat the biggest bowl of chili and fart in a crowded elevator
have I ever told you that you are my kind of woman?? LOL it's a joke, don't be offended. ROTFLMAO
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Anger lasts two seconds. How you deal with it is your choice. Use the force wisely.
Yep, I know. I wish Jabba the Hut was here. I'd like to kick him in the nuts.
I'll be alright in a bit. I think you know me pretty good. I'll dig back out here in a bit.
Me thinks the dog thing probably triggered this.
Could also be the fact that I think someone is in my D's ear and saying things around her. She now refers to the house as "mommies house" and looked up at me in the movie theater yesterday and asks me if "I was leaving mommies house".
Hey Mike, look buddy, it can get very overwhelming and once you hit the anger stage it gets very difficult to see through the red in your eyes.
I have been where you are today. I spent a the better part of a year on Lexapro. I went to my doctor, he gave me a simple questionnaire and I answered it. The lexapro was great, it kept me level and I was able to get off of it rather easily. Today I function very well for a crazy guy.
Look dude, I know it is hard to see the forrest for the trees right now, but you have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and focus on the man you want to be with her. Now more than ever she needs to see that you are above the pettiness. That you are the source of stability right now in her mixed up crazy world.
It's not fair, you didn't ask for it, and you don't like it. That my friend is part of marriage. Go back and read the poem "Footsteps in the sand" YOU.....HAVE TO CARRY THE LOVE IN YOUR MARRIAGE RIGHT NOW. She is simply incapable.
Hang in there Mike, all of this is going to, in the long run, make you a much stronger man.
Hey Mike, look buddy, it can get very overwhelming and once you hit the anger stage it gets very difficult to see through the red in your eyes.
I have been where you are today. I spent a the better part of a year on Lexapro. I went to my doctor, he gave me a simple questionnaire and I answered it. The lexapro was great, it kept me level and I was able to get off of it rather easily. Today I function very well for a crazy guy.
Look dude, I know it is hard to see the forrest for the trees right now, but you have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and focus on the man you want to be with her. Now more than ever she needs to see that you are above the pettiness. That you are the source of stability right now in her mixed up crazy world.
It's not fair, you didn't ask for it, and you don't like it. That my friend is part of marriage. Go back and read the poem "Footsteps in the sand" YOU.....HAVE TO CARRY THE LOVE IN YOUR MARRIAGE RIGHT NOW. She is simply incapable.
Hang in there Mike, all of this is going to, in the long run, make you a much stronger man.
Ian
Ian, I'm actually functioning oK. just have short "Bursts" of anger that only last for a few moments. Usually when I relive something in my head that was said or when look was given or snide remark made.
My doctor told me last time I talked to him to just call if I felt I needed something. I don't know if I need it or not. I mean I'm not down or depressed. I feel good physically. I just have these short angry "bursts"
I know it should be water off a duck's back and I know I deserve a 2x4 but if you have been there then you know that it's easier said than done.
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YOU.....HAVE TO CARRY THE LOVE IN YOUR MARRIAGE RIGHT NOW
I don't know that there's anything left to tote. I'm trying to figure that out at the moment.
I don't know that there's anything left to tote. I'm trying to figure that out at the moment.
Don't give me that bullshit. Those are the words of a man who is letting the frustration dictate his mentality and outlook on his marriage. Get her the frick out of your thought process. I could give a rats asss if it is over for her. I care about you. You are not done, if you were, there would be no outbursts, there would be no frustration, and there would be no sadness.
You, are not hearing the message in all that I post to you. This is about YOU....not her. You do not carry the love for her, you do not keep having faith for her, and you do not make your decisions based on her. YOU DO, SAY, FEEL, AND ACT the way that YOU want to.
I have read all your posts, I have watched this journey progress, and I know what you feel. I have read the words of a man who loves his wife and child the same way that I love mine. I have fealt the pain in your posts as you struggle to see exactly why the hell this is happening to YOU. I have even watched you as you have questioned God as to why this is happening and why YOU cannot be stronger in your faith.
YOU do not need 2x4's, you need to get your asss back in the game and remember what you are fighting for. You made a commitment, you said, "I do" "For better or for worse", and "In sickness and in health" (and yes what your wife is going through is a sickness). So when it is all said and done, even if you end up divorced, I want you to look back and be able to say to yourself that you never ever waivered in your beliefs and your commitment to the marriage.
I believe in you, many around here believe in you, and now....it's time for you to believe in you.
Here's an update. I guess I'm projecting anger all over. The only time I feel calm now is when I'm alone or away from her. I'm probably projecting anger on this board. Really no communication with the W now at all unless it is about the D.
There are some emails flying back and forth but it's mostly child like stuff..when mud is slung my way it's damn hard not to pick it up and throw it back.
Anybody have suggestions on how to handle this anger?? Should I see my doctor and be put on something?? Will a pill help keep the anger down?? Don't say move, the house is not ready yet and I can't move until the bathroom/shower is done.
Like I said at the end of my last thread..
I'm done. I'm tired. I'm pissed. I don't think any "good" things about her now. She's an ass. A big one.
This is about being a good dad now.
Wish I could help you. It took me along time and therapy to control my anger issues. I still feel it inside me and I have to go somewhere that my w is not to calm myself down. My sitch is nowhere near as confrontational as your is so the best advice I could give is to have as little contact with her as possible.
Good luck and hopefully you can get the house done soon.
You, are not hearing the message in all that I post to you. This is about YOU....not her. You do not carry the love for her, you do not keep having faith for her, and you do not make your decisions based on her. YOU DO, SAY, FEEL, AND ACT the way that YOU want to.
I guess I'm not. I have been doing, saying, feeling and acting the way I want. She is not dictating what I do. As a matter of fact I'm doing what I want, she really does not know what I'm doing. All she knows is my cell is with me and if she needs me then I can be reached. There is really no communication at all now.
So your saying, do what I want. Don't give a rats ass about her but fight for my M till the end?
I'm already looking back Ian. I feel I've done all I can do. I don't know what else there is to do except kiss her ass. Am I supposed to kiss her ass, let her walk over me though this then feel good about myself when it's over.
Do I just keep playing nice when she gives me the daily bitch fit? Do I just keep making her dinner, meeting her at the car?? Do I just keep on and on and on doing what I'm doing? Do I just change for the better and continue as is even though she paints me as a bad father during mediation...Do I just act "as if" when she says my D is better off staying with her step mom when W is away on business trips than staying with me?? Even though I've always been the one to keep D?? Due to the things she said Ian there is now a transition period that has to take place before D can stay overnight in my new place..is that fair Ian? 3 weeks before D can stay overnight when I move out...I'm the one who changed the first diaper Ian..I'm the one who was there when she was sick..I'm the one who went to the doctor. I'm the one who took care of her when my W's shitty attitude started..
I'm the one.
Your post has confused me. I'm not pissed at you. I care about you and don't know you from Adam. I don't want you to get pissed at this post and my questions or rant or whatever it is I'm doing.
You tell me to get her out of my thought process and that I am not done. You tell me this is all about me and I feel it is. I'm GAl'ing like crazy with no regard really. You say I don't need a 2x4 but feel like I've just been thumped with a 8x8. then you tell me to get back in the game and fight for my M.
I know you believe in me and I know other people do too. I'm confident in my self..but it's pretty clear that I don't know what the hell I'm doing..or I'm doubting like hell...
Here's an update. I guess I'm projecting anger all over. The only time I feel calm now is when I'm alone or away from her. I'm probably projecting anger on this board. Really no communication with the W now at all unless it is about the D.
There are some emails flying back and forth but it's mostly child like stuff..when mud is slung my way it's damn hard not to pick it up and throw it back.
Anybody have suggestions on how to handle this anger?? Should I see my doctor and be put on something?? Will a pill help keep the anger down?? Don't say move, the house is not ready yet and I can't move until the bathroom/shower is done.
Like I said at the end of my last thread..
I'm done. I'm tired. I'm pissed. I don't think any "good" things about her now. She's an ass. A big one.
This is about being a good dad now.
Hey Mike, I'm the Queen of Anger. Yes a pill will help. Trust me. I started taking a magic pill May 30th, it's been night & day for me. (well, that and a ton of hard work in therapy, tons of reading, journaling, you fine folks, etc etc etc )
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Here's an update. I guess I'm projecting anger all over. The only time I feel calm now is when I'm alone or away from her. I'm probably projecting anger on this board. Really no communication with the W now at all unless it is about the D.
There are some emails flying back and forth but it's mostly child like stuff..when mud is slung my way it's damn hard not to pick it up and throw it back.
Anybody have suggestions on how to handle this anger?? Should I see my doctor and be put on something?? Will a pill help keep the anger down?? Don't say move, the house is not ready yet and I can't move until the bathroom/shower is done.
Like I said at the end of my last thread..
I'm done. I'm tired. I'm pissed. I don't think any "good" things about her now. She's an ass. A big one.
This is about being a good dad now.
Hey Mike, I'm the Queen of Anger. Yes a pill will help. Trust me. I started taking a magic pill May 30th, it's been night & day for me. (well, that and a ton of hard work in therapy, tons of reading, journaling, you fine folks, etc etc etc )
Kalni, I was doing good really I was. Now it's like, I just don't want to see or be around her. Do you understand??
I think it's about just an overall lack of respect and consideration on her part. I mean, she's getting what she wants and says she wants it to be civil but acts like an ass..I think that's the problem and it pisses me off.
I TOTALLY get that. I was PISSED that he was breathing MY air when we laid in bed at night.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
