Have court today for my child -- pray for me

[phbear316]

Maryangela

Hugs for having a tiring weekend with D. Think back a few weeks ago, how sad and down you were. Take the exhaustion as a positive. All five year olds are so full of energy its amazing.

You will be fine. And you will make it work as a single parent, you are doing a fine job now and will continue to do a good job. Find some friends with kids the same age as your D, let them entertain her. Hey check into a college student who may be looking for some extra money during the summer to help you out for a few hours, a week taking d to the park or just entertaining her. Some college kids need the experience for school and could be a great help to you. Even just for 4 hours a week. You could be right there in the house with D, and babysitter, but it gives you time to make dinner, do laundry, catch up on bills, etc.

As far as your post about you h saying he loves the ow and wants to spend all his time with her. I hear you I am hearing that song now. My h wants to marry ow, be a step father to her 3 kids. He wants to be with her and cannot stand to be with me anymore, but is doing nothing to move this divorce along. That is one thing I am jealous about with you, you have papers signed towards separation. My H is not moving forward, but I am. I have gone to a lawyer to find my rights, taken my check out of the joint account, and this week going to get off H's cell phone plan and on to my own. May not sound like much, but to me its steps in the right direction.

I have been wanted to get my own apartment as of late, but know I cannot afford it, and I don't wish to leave this house, my lawyer suggested that i do not leave. But I have thought about saying a night or two at my parents house during the times they are at the shore house. I will see

I prayed things would go well for you and see they did. You will have your ups and downs trust me. Keep your head high you will get thru this.

hugs
bear

[spark]

I ran into a person that knows my mother in law yesterday. unbelievable coincidence. her mother in law and mine are best friends. she didn't know anything that has happened between h and I and invited us as a family to a bbq. I told her what happened.

so today, I get a call from h that my mother in law (again,think everybody loves raymond but WORSE with swearing and racial slurs) that mil is "mad". over the years to avoid wars with her as she has zero boundaries, I basically let her "take over" d while we were with them (and we were with them a lot).

so I called her to explain what happened and to also let her know that she is welcome here anytime to see d. well... she lit into me like you wouldn't believe. called be every swear word in the book (I have done NOTHING to her -- haven't even called her to tell her of h's horrible behavior last month). she was also behind custody fight by the way.

I got off the phone then her daughter (who has always been horrible to me) called me and told me to never call there again. I swear on my life I was calling to be peaceful!!

I called h and told him he better talk with his mother. I very much don't want my d around them if they are going to talk about me in a disrespectful way which believe me is the m.o.

I also called my lawyer to tell him what happened, just in case.

I'm so furious. h is the one who created this whole mess and I"m the one that is this horrible person. unreal. the good news is, with the divorce, my contact with them will finally be limited at best.

[AbbysDad]

Sounds like he's a chip off the old family block. But family will defend blood.

As soon as I told my family about what happened, the first things out of their mouths were "negative" about W....and they all liked her. Actually I haven't spoke to my brother in a month because when he should have been comforting me (he was dumping more sh$% on me).

But blood will always defend blood....so that's what they are doing. Sounds like the lack class though.

[spark]

abbysdad - you are right. I've known this all along and again, avoided wars with them to keep peace. I cannot believe that I am somehow the villian here.

also, just found out that ow and her daughter SLEEP over at h's apartment every weekend when d's there. I know this for a fact. what should I do about this? let it go? I calmly talked to h and said it's only been FOUR months since he dropped initial bomb!! I can't believe he doesn't have the common sense with regards to this.

I haven't told lawyer. should i modify custody agreement? so furious. h has no since of right or wrong. I would NEVER introduce a new person in this way to d. I would do it in a slow manner at least. I can't believe this.

[spark]

and by the way, this isn't about jealousy on my part, it's about what is right. what is right for d.

[Virtually_Handsome]

Tell your L. I don't know what you can or can't do legally. The L can help!

[sgctxok]

You most likely can't do anything about that. And fighting it will fuel the wars between you and H.

Build harmony. Create peace. It might not be what you want to hear, but it's better for your daughter.

[spark]

god this whole thing is draining. I STILL waiting for this check that has been spelled out in the divorce decree. I am like down to 5 dollars. h knows this. I have her until sunday, but honestly, I'm afraid to drop her off until this thing is signed. I have left messages with my lawyer. don't know what to do. I'm so tired of this.

[Bworl]

Not sure about the laws in your state, but I know that Deb had a provision in her settlement agreement that stated that her ex could not have the children overnight if he had his female interest staying overnight as well. For that reason he picked up and dropped off his children every saturday and sunday for several months.

I have insisted with my ex that she not sleep with the man she is living with whenever the boys are visiting. To the best of my knowledge she has honored that request.

Depending upon your belief system, this can be a very significant issue, but it's one you have to pursue with your Lawyer. Only he/she will be able to tell you if such a provision is possible.

And I will say that I think it's intolerable to co-habitate with your children present. We are responsible to teach our children something about what appropriate behavior is and is not.


Bill

[phbear316]

Maryangela

I don't have any imput on the issue with you H and ow staying together when h has you D.

Speak with your lawyer, I have to agree with SG, I don't really think there is anything you can do about it.

I boils down to respect really, none of which you H seems to have for, your D, for ow, and for himself.

My H and ow stay together as one big family on weekends etc. She has no respect for her kids who are older than your d. I have to look at as its their bed, they need to lie in it.

As for family issue, Wow, now that I can relate to. I know it hurts, but face it, blood is thicker than water. Always will be.

I have not spoken to SIL since a week before thanksgiving. Have not spoken to both brother in laws for over a year.

My sister in law said to me, she will always be there for H since she has known him since he is 10 yrs old, and he will always be her brother in law. She saw the life he grew up with and has always felt sorry for him for what his mother and father both did to him reguarding their divorce.

Lines will be drawn, trust me. What you have to do is not give them any more ammo. Be a duck, let it roll off you. I look at as their loss, they don't want to be with me talk to me, so be it. My life like yours goes on. At some point MIL will want to see you D. This is where you become the controller and better person. You make the rules. Within reason. I know you feel its all negative about you, but things will change, you will get more and more control. Patience

Friends and coworkers will draw lines also. H is a director of a hospitals EMS agency, I am administrative assistant at another hospitals EMS agency. We know so many people. I have seen the lines drawn for those who are in fear of H's temper and wrath, will not speak to me. I have been out, crossed paths with one person, she looked at me, made eye contact, and turned and walked away, very quickly. Someone else was on a call on my block, I was standing outside my home, and waved to the person and said Hi, this person who has been to my home for dinner more than once, just looked thru me like I was a sheet of glass.

Both incidents make me laugh. I will not let it get to me, and neither should you. I have one of my employees go off on h, about two weeks ago in reguards to what he has done to me. This person even told me he will not work for that hospital under H ever. He has lost all respect for H. But there are others who will not even want to be seen with me. Their choice.

Let the SIL and MIL thing go. In time they will be back in touch with you. Looking for you. Then its your time to shine. If they don't want anything to do with you. Their loss.

Hugs
Bear