Looking for support from other WAS's

[MaxP]

Lost,

I am not a WAS, but a LBS. However, I hope you don't mind me adding my voice and support to the those who have replied.

Firstly, I hope that you are doing ok. I understand that the position any WAS finds themselves in is pretty awful and in some ways is harder than what the LBS has to endure. At least we are spared the agony of falling out of love with someone. The unfolding of such emotions must be both painful and disturbing, even if it feels liberating and attractive at the same time. Yours must be a lonely road to travel at times.

I don't know how you can decide what you want. Only you can analyse your own feelings and expectations of love and life to isolate what you feel is missing. We can help ask questions though.

For instance. What feels wrong about your current circumstances (not just the R)? Why are you attracted to a new life? What event(s) may have finally precipitated the break? What are your expectations of life? Are they realistic? Are they significantly constrained by your relationship? Do you still love your partner? Can they help you achieve what you are looking for? Do you even know what that is? Being completely honest, is there someone else who is also a factor in any of these decisions? What role are they playing? What role do you wish them to play?

I'm not here to judge, just help you try to find some answers. I have done a huge amount of thinking about my own sitch, possibly too much, but there you go. I recognise parts of my role in all of this and can join many dots that I wish I had been able to see as they appeared. I may not see the big picture, now or ever, but I see a lot more than I did a year ago and it has taken a long time to get to that point. Rest assured, when (most) LBSs claim ignorance of the messages, they are being honest, not stupid or insensitive. Some people will bring enormous energy, resources and determination to bear when they can finally see the reality of the moment. They are also incredibly scared, hurt and isolated. Few people want to see their spouse in pain and it is particularly awful to realise your own role in causing or not being there to support your partner. I only wish I had been more wise.

Wishing you clarity and a little bit of calm. Look after yourself.

Take care.

Max