H had 3 year affair and I never knew!

[happycamper]

Feel overwhelmed tonight, very sad, sense of loss. H doesn't feel that way, I think because our R ended a long time ago for him.

I also feel a complete failure. Hearing detail (which I asked for) about the OWs makes me feel I can't compare. Well I can't go to S&M clubs and spank other people's bottoms, can I?!! How could I possibly think I could be enough for him?

Found some of our old condoms in the bedside cabinet this morning, and gave them to him, a little joke with him, you know. Thing is, that is where he is. Very ready to sleep with someone else. I put them in his coat pocket for him. He's not mine, not mine at all.

It doesn't bother me that much and yet I'm writing about it again... it must hurt somewhere.