Well, it's another rainy morning here...fortunately, we are not in danger of floods, but Apr-June are the rainiest 3mo period in history here!
Was noticing this morning that I have a really high view to reply ratio; so lots of folks looking (don't think I look at my own thread that much ) but without much to say...which is actually kind of the way I am feeling right now.
I am sooo tired of my sitch...and find myself feeling like all the effort has been for naught. However, I know that that attitude is going to get me and my kids nowhere fast, so I've got to jump back up and work up an action plan for this new phase.
And this is where I could really use some feedback and advice from any of you out there...
Right now this is how things stand a/o last Wednesday:
** H is in his home office until around 9:30pm in evening, then departs for the night (S12, who hasn't been told yet, is always in bed asleep before this time. Only difference was on Saturday, when S12 was at movie with family friends until about 10pm, and H stayed over) H returns by 6am, in advance of S12 waking up. H did tell S18 that he was doing like we did 6 years ago, except that I would not be trading off with H.
** When H told me he was going to start doing this, he said he was staying in a month-to-month corp. rental (but in truth he is staying with OW, whose Ss are away until this weekend...) H has made arrangements to start actual rental 7/1. Fortunately, right now $$ for this is coming from H's small inheritance from mother; not our general budget. (The trip we just took has left us with huge cc debt now)
** H is still hiding involvement with OW; had Ss call BIL yesterday to invite him/SIL up for July 4th (?!WTF?!)
SOOO...How am I dealing with this?
** I have very definitely dropped the rope insofar as making any efforts to engage H in a marriage R; I think it may have finally really sunk in with me (can you say slow learner ) that the only semblance of R that we maintained was by my effort.
** I am doing my best to focus on interactions regarding Ss, being pleasant as I go about my day, and going somewhat dim.
** Right now i am not resisting H doing his own thing how he wants to. My feeling is that resisting/reacting to this arrangement right now will only push me further from my goal. ######## This path causes my couple of good friends who know what's going on to be frustrated with me...they both think I should kick H to the curb. But I just see that having enormous negative repercussions, and making my very stubborn H just that much more convinced that being with OW is the way to go. And, at this point, I am okay with this level of detachment.
Am I crazy/delusional/stupid to be pursuing this path?
I would love constructive criticism/suggestions/reactions. I'd so love to hear from any/all of you...
) but without much to say...which is actually kind of the way I am feeling right now.
) that the only semblance of R that we maintained was by my effort. 