Newbie

[hoosiermama]

Hang in there, newbie, and read through the MLC resources in this forum--you'll learn a lot, and it will help you understand what's going on. For me, it also helped me tremendously to cope with my H's MLC. Reinforced that it's him, it's not me. I got a lot of strength from reading. You're doing all the right things--just keep doing them, keep reading, consider reading DR as well. It's a long haul--I'm in the early stages myself, but reading and posting here have been very helpful.

You mention that your identity is wrapped up with being his wife. The most healthy thing you can do now is to "GAL"--get a life. You'll find yourself, and it will get less painful because your attention will be distracted away from obsessing about his every move (been there, done that). It will probably feel like you're just putting one foot in front of the other and faking it. But there's some real value to "faking it till you make it." I'm sure it was difficult when he moved out, but most of us find that it's a lot more peaceful and less anxiety-producing when he's not there all the time. It will definitely help you GAL. Find something you're fairly passionate about, or something you never found time to do, and pursue it. It will help on many levels. Clean house, clear out clutter--I've found that to be helpful too.

It isn't easy, but it's a lot less horrible with some resources and support. Keep on keeping on--there are a lot of good people here.