Bridgestone has given you some incredible advice. I would also recommend reading "Not Just Friends" by Glass. It's an excellent and well-researched look at the slippery slope towards infidelity that can happen to good people and even in good marriages.
You ask what I would have wanted and I'll be happy to tell you, but realize that each of our sitches is unique - there is no catch-all solution.
The first thing I would have wanted my W to do is be honest to herself and me at an earlier stage. Our M is as much her responsibility as it was mine, and if she was unhappy, she should have let me know the degree to which she was unhappy (i.e. "if this doesn't change soon I'm leaving").
I just posted a long post about my sitch on bridgestone's thread, but I wanted a realistic chance to work on M that involved W. That didn't mean we needed to spend every waking hour together, or even to live together. But I wanted a chance to work towards something new. As it turned out, the involvement of OM made that impossible. For 3 months I didn't even know about him and was going crazy trying to figure out why all my attempts to at least go for a walk together were being refused. I found out about him and my W was suddenly guilt-ridden and conflicted - this was the closest we got and the least amount of contact she had with OM. But the only way she'd approach things was to live together - she wouldn't go to MC and she wouldn't spend time together other than at the house. She slid back towards OM and eventually left, saying she "couldn't understand her feelings but couldn't deny them." I would have liked for her to at least have done some reading about what affairs do to one's state of mind so she could better evaluate the sitch we were in. As it was, she was incredibly conflicted - moving in and out of the house 4-5 times in one day. She hated that limbo so said D was the answer and she has stuck by that decision ever since, even though she now says she recognizes we connect on many levels and she misses the way we're able to communicate.
If you and your H love spending time together, than I think you have the the biggest part of the answer to your question. Much in life is transitory. If you can be with someone even in the midst of incredible pain and emotional upheaval and still enjoy their company, than I think it's at least putting some effort into figuring out if there is a way to make the marriage continue to work. The idea behind no contact is to see whether you miss someone or not.
I don't know if any of that helps, but I'd agree wholeheartedly with what Bridgestone wrote. And recognize that you didn't get to this position overnight. It won't fix itself quickly.
