I'm a LBS so have definite opinions. I don't think you can realistically approach working on your M if you are emotionally or physically involved with someone else - the energy & emotions needed to even approach working on things are being consumed by another. It is also unrealistic to compare the excitement of a new R with an old one. The new one will, of course, carry it's own problems once the newness wears off.
But I don't want to hit you with a 2x4 because I know you're probably feeling confused and vulnerable. I'd suggest you take a look at whatdidido's threads over in infidelity - she decided to pursue OM but is now trying to reapproach her M. It isn't easy.
Good luck. I'm sorry you've found yourself in this difficult position. lodo
