Watching the kids while W goes to OM

[lynn97]

Whether it's an identity crisis or a MLC it's still a crisis and it does factor into what's happening now. She wants to be independant, prove she can live on her own etc. I think if she can get through this she will be a stronger person for it.

As for the EA. I think it is done for now, but I'm not that naive to think it's completely over. I hope she can resist temptation to run to him, but if not it's her call.

Let's play this out a little bit. If I tell her I don't want a divorce or a separation she would say. "I need some space, if you're not willing to give me that space then you don't respect me and I want a divorce". Then I'll say no I'm not giving you a divorce either, I want to work it out. She'll say "I'm not ready for that yet. I need space to fix myself and I can't do that while trying to work on us to." And we could go back and forth for hours.

So when I look at that I like that I'm doing a 180 and standing up to fight for what I believe in, which is good. But I don't like that I'm not respecting her wishes and "lovingly detaching" like MB suggests. So I am torn. I think this approach will push her away from me more won't it?

I also have learned one thing during my DB'ing. The one thing that has worked so far is active listening. Listen to her, validate, and keep my opinions to myself. The times we do this we both feel better and she even starts to "be with me" again. Of course after these evenings she retracts and wants her space which I know is the normal script.

She has offered to let me move back in and stay in the extra bedroom. I believe that this would be good to be around her to show her "the new Lynn", but I don't think I'm ready for that yet. I can't handle being around her without going all "melty man" at times. I have to be prepared not to do that and right now I'm not.

I just feel like I'm being pulled in multiple direction and don't know what to do.

Lynn