Are you ready to jump?

[cat03]

hey sweets))))))))) rot, I see you here and there, giving advice and help, you are a doll. Yes, I do feel much better, I was glad stbx was with me when I was piecing but I was in a constant state of cat-like readiness "is he happy?" "what can I do to make him happy?" "I wonder if he appreciates the good time we are having now", etc etc, all I tried to do is put up a show so he'd like being with me and kids.
I now live for me, my kids, and my God (not in that order )

Beth and C2H, I had a great weekend camping! it rained at night but we had a great time feeding wild bunnies and eating smores, it was awesome having so many people around (and I appreciated the help putting up/away the tent). Only twice that I talked about what went on to 2 people, almost cried for a bit, but it passed, and the rest of the time I felt great. The 2 people that asked about my sitch actually asked me "don't you have a longing to be with your H" and "how do you do it, it must be so hard!". I just had to give credit to God who takes my heartache whenever it comes.

When I came home I felt so renewed! surprised at the thought that I spend so many hrs thinking of the whole mess (of course I think of that stuff much less frequently). Too bad stbx came and with him the stupid parking permit of ow's in his car, I felt a pang in my heart. I know he's with her, but seeing something as concrete as that hurts in a particular way.

Perhaps I'm still fooling myself and as long as I think they are not together all the time it doens't hurt. I think I hurt mostly because he swore up and down he couldnt' be with her and how it was all over, I think that's the part that really makes me mad, for I wouldn't lie in such away and then turn around and do what I said I'd never do.

Whatever, have to remember to not give stbx/A/ow that much power in my head/heart by thinking too long about them.

Life is good, I have so many things to look forward to (I think my 3 favorite cousins are coming with me to the concert!!!)