Hope4us struggle, part 6

[Hope4us]

Well, That didn't take long to lock up. Guess when all the hot talk is going on I guess they lock up quick!

Previous thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1473854&page=2&fpart=1

When we last left the continuing limbo, rollercoaster, WTF is going on in my life, saga WW and I were having a very good weekend.

So I thought I'd continue with the detaching. When I went to bed last night I didn't say a word to her. She was on the couch reading her next book. I don't think she really has a clue what's in the book because it's titled "at first sight" and is a story about a couple that falls "in love" very quickly, she gets pregnant and then dies in child birth and the guy falls in love with the baby "at first sight". But in the middle of the book the couple has problems because of a lot of crap and they struggle because they don't really know each other and got pregnant and married in a big hurry. I think she probably bought it so she could confirm how wonderful OM is and how they fell in love so quickly, but she's going to get a shock when she gets to the middle of the book. Oh well, maybe something good for old H4U in that book. I know it also probably bothered her because DS19 called me when he got back to his apartment from his weekend trip to see his GF and he didn't call her or ask to speak to her. Oh well, consequences of your actions.

This morning, WW comes in the master bath again while I'm still standing there naked! I'm beginning to like this. Maybe she is looking for me to try something like some of you have suggested. Still don't know what I'm going to do. Do I try to show her some affection or do I just continue to detach and let her want it MORE? Thing is, right now I'm not sure I WANT anything to happen because I don't want her thinking I'm easy , but at the same time I do think I know that for us to reconnect we might have to go there before I'm really ready.

I left the bedroom without saying anything to her. If this detaching is working she should try to pull me back in more soon. We'll see if I get any IM's or anything at work today.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H4U,

Have you considered asking her what I suggested about the nekked thing?

"Shortest distance between two points," and all that rot.

Puppy

[Hope4us]

Yep, I've considered it. I'm just struggling with how detaching seems to be working and how the last couple times she's seemed to warm up to me and then I push some and she retreats. Wouldn't me attempting something be pushing?

Saturday when we were standing there looking at the rainbow I almost grabbed her for a quickie hug, but I didn't.

Thing is, like I mentioned, I'm not sure if I even WANT to go there. Don't get me wrong, I'd kill for some affection, but it's almost like if she does want to get close to me and I do ask or try something with her, then she's making me put myself out there again with the risk of getting shot down or retreated from AGAIN. And I'm not sure I can take that right now. All she'd have to do is give me a little sign, a touch, something and maybe I could go there, but I just struggle with the fact that she's the one that has done all this and now it seems like she's wanting me to take the risk once again and I'm not sure I am ready for that.

We'll see. DS16 is at his friends house in our hometown for the week so we'll have plenty of opportunities if she really wants to go there.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H4U,

Ever hear the story about the man on top of the roof with the rising flood waters, and God and the boat, etc? I'd submit to you that she's given you a BUNCH o' signs (unless she's just playing pure torture games with your head).

I know what you mean about the rejection, tho. I sukk at it myself, which is why I live in a SSM.

Puppy

[Hope4us]

I know the story and I know what you're saying. I'm just so freakin gun shy right now.

Here's the thing. DB says to do what I've been doing and when you see some positive signs, then make your approach, what ever the approach may be about. And in the last month I've tried to be more out there and engaging with her and that's when she retreats. So now I'm just plain SCARED that if I approach her for some affection (and I'm talking about just a hug or something) will it be pushing and will she retreat again?

Another part of me wants to MAKE her make the first move at some type of intimacy. Let her 'desire' it to the point she makes the first move. Heck, I am kind of enjoying this. Let her pursue ME!

We'll see how the week goes and see if there are any opportunities. This is the HARD part. Knowing when to push things along and when to not push. If they'd just SAY what they want!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H4U,

I think DB says to TRY something, but then back off -- with grace and good humor -- if it doesn't work. In other words, don't KEEP on doing what isn't working, but if you're getting a positive vibe, TRY something, and if you get rejected just so "OK -- I understand. Your loss, cuz I'm feeling AWESOME today and it would've been GREAT!" (or some such)

Nothing wrong with letting her pursue, but I'd caution you not to do it out of SPITE. If she's opening up to you, and you reject her out of spite and pure PRIDE, I think you will regret it.

I know I did.

Puppy

[Hope4us]

Point taken Pup. I guess I'm not doing it out of spite, but I am enjoying the idea that she may be WANTING me, finally.

I don't want to reject her. I just don't know if she's really looking for me to initiate something or if she's just trying to get a feel for how she feels. I also think maybe she thinks that if she initiates anything that I'll automatically think everything is ok and that couldn't be further from the truth, but to get to ok something has to give.

I'm just scared of more rejection. It was only a couple weeks ago when I was grabbing her shoulder when I went to bed that she made some under the breath comment that gave me the impression that she didn't like it. So can something change that radically in a couple weeks?

I know you're probably thinking "what a wimp". And I agree with you that it seems she's been throwing out all these signals that she wants some attention physically, but again, I'm just so scared and tired of rejection it makes it hard to put myself out there again.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I understand.

[Hope4us]

Thanks Pup. I think I'll just play this one by ear. See how she is this week as it seems like during the week is when she retreats some. But of course as I type this she's IM'ing me to talk about nothing that couldn't wait until after work.

More pulling me back in. Maybe an opportunity will present itself to initiate some contact soon

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H4U,

Don't get me wrong; I'm NOT suggesting that you respond more in any way to any of the mundate stuff. Just the sexual flaunting.

Puppy