You didn't marry a highly moral man. He ended up showing his true colors. And, if I recall, this is his second affair.
Regarding "wishing them the best". What do we mean by "the best"? I think if your spouse left you for someone else, and you eventually remarried, at that point reconciliation would be impossible, so I think I could wish them, "the best" in the sense of making the best of a paiful, broken and evil situation. I don't think white-wahing something inherently dishonorable, ignoble and evil is helpful to anyone.
I couldn't wish someone the best who is currently engaged in an immoral covenant-breaking act. It's, essentially, saying, "I hope that adultery thing works out for you." Of course, my religious beliefs are spilling into this discussion. But come on people, is adultery wrong or not? I don't think we'd wish a bank robber happniess in his chosen profession, "I hope that stealing thing works out for you." Or to a serial-killer, "I personally feel that not killing would make you happier, but, hey, who am I to judge? So I wish you the best on your next killing spree."
Just because I think a villain's plans should be foiled doesn't mean I can't have compassion or forgive them.
On a personal note, if my spouse, even if we divorced, asked me for forgiveness and acknowledged the hurt and wrongfulness of her actions, I would be able to wish her well, regardless of our reconciling together.
Regarding dating after the divorce. I think this says some things about your husband's belief system:
1. He thinks you will take him back no matter what. He has ample evidence to go on: you put up with his affair for a long time. He's been conditioned to cake-eating. You now have ample opportunity to keep your boundaries firm and show him otherwise.
2. He can do whatever he wants and can have recreational sex with any number of women he feels like. He's not done sowing his wild oats. He thinks he can string along two women who adore him and want him. This is bad seed. A chronic philanderer.
3. He doesn't think this relationship with the OW will last. He's not going to marry her. He's trying to hedge his bets.
4. His actions have had no consequences. His family, his church all are acting as if this is perfectly normal. This is a failure of community. We live in a sick world. You are the only one, Olive, who can bring any consequences to bear to this man. He will lose you. And, I hope, your lawyer can make sure he loses significant time with his daughter. People in general, and bad people most often, will continue you to bad things until sit gets too painful to do so.
