Did you ever confirm if she lied about who she was visiting up east?
YES, absolutely, have your pay diverted to a separate account, to protect yourself. Walkaway spouses have been known to deplete family's accounts and worse. LET HER KNOW this is what you're doing (only AFTER you've done it), in writing, and let her know that you will of course continue to meet ALL of the family's financial "needs" -- just not its "wants" (especially hers). If you want, I can provide you with a copy of the letter I sent to my wife last summer.
Do NOT warn her ahead of time that you're going to expose her affair, if that's in fact what you decide to do. Just do it, and do them all SIMULTANEOUSLY. Don't do this if you don't think you can handle the blowback; she will be LIVID, make no mistake.
She'll also get over it.
I really wish you had made these moves weeks ago, but it's not too late. Your wife sounds totally fogged out to me, and she simply is in no condition to be the one to be planning the agenda and the timeline here. It's best that someone who is the PRO-MARRIAGE one right now do that, so that means YOU.
