I'm sorry to hear all of this. Think you are right about maybe not answering the phone and just stepping back and taking a deep breath and letting things settle down a bit.
As for blowing his career out of the water - I hope you don't think that was what I was suggesting, because it's not. I'm in the same situation as you, it would hurt me financially just as much as her if she were found out (she is just one year away from retirement eligibility).
