Here's an update. I guess I'm projecting anger all over. The only time I feel calm now is when I'm alone or away from her. I'm probably projecting anger on this board. Really no communication with the W now at all unless it is about the D.
There are some emails flying back and forth but it's mostly child like stuff..when mud is slung my way it's damn hard not to pick it up and throw it back.
Anybody have suggestions on how to handle this anger?? Should I see my doctor and be put on something?? Will a pill help keep the anger down?? Don't say move, the house is not ready yet and I can't move until the bathroom/shower is done.
Like I said at the end of my last thread..
I'm done. I'm tired. I'm pissed. I don't think any "good" things about her now. She's an ass. A big one.
Im sure some good suggestions will come to you. Maybe you should stay elsewhere and do the whole detach thing and let the L's deal with it. Think you are going back to mediation in a couple of weeks. Doesnt sound like anything good is coming of this being around her at all or any communication. Sorry for you troubles man.
Guess, when you do get anger, just go pray somewhere and vent it out to the man above.
And you locked Racefans thread up, was going to post to him but two too many posts! Was just going to tell him dirt track racing this weekend was the best so far probably!
Last edited by jandn; 06/23/0811:36 AM.
my stories
M-31 W-28 S7 D2.5 T 8, M 4 W filed 2-14-08 D on hold 3/08 D off hold 5/08 D to be final on/by Nov 08 Anniv 9-4 looked hopeful
Hey Mike - Hang in there Bro. It's chit now for you and I know it, but take the anger and look at what your saying on here (albeit in anger).
Your tired, your pissed and you don't see any good things in her. So, your getting D and away from someone that pisses you off, makes you angry and someone you cannot see any good in right ? Well, then it should be easier to GAL and act 'as if' right ?
Don't get me wrong buddy, that's all theory based as you know and not reality, but try it, you never know.
Lots of anger, I agree. How to handle it? There's no anti-anger pill, my friend. You need to work on control of your emotions. I'm hardly the expert on that, but it is NOT necessary to sling the mud back. Not returning the venom may even make W more irate, as part of it is her trying to get a reaction out of you so she can justify her own emotions/decision. But you know that. You may be done, but don't resort to bitterness. Keep it business. Being a good dad includes dealing with D's mother in a constructive way. To show D that her parents can treat each other with respect, or at least that you can.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
anger is a tough one. For me it comes and it goes. Back in the begining I realised anger, for me again, had a lot to do with control. I was angry that I couldn't do anything to change the situation. I kept repeating to myself that it's beyond my powers. Everytime it comes back I see it is still about control. About wanting things to be different and not being able to change a thing. You think you could be the same? If by any chance you are, the most effective way to make your anger subside is to accept the situation is out of your hands like many other things every day... One thing I can assure you, the feeling is not as strong everytime it returns. Kalni
Kalni, I was doing good really I was. Now it's like, I just don't want to see or be around her. Do you understand??
Hell, I don't know what it is. If I did I would not be on here bit**ing to you guys and gals.
I don't think it's about control.
I think it's about just an overall lack of respect and consideration on her part. I mean, she's getting what she wants and says she wants it to be civil but acts like an ass..I think that's the problem and it pisses me off.
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 06/23/0811:55 AM.
I think it's about just an overall lack of respect and consideration on her part. I mean, she's getting what she wants and says she wants it to be civil but acts like an ass..I think that's the problem and it pisses me off.
Tell me about it!!! I've done the avoidance dance as well. The minute I am with him for longer than 3 min, I let some anger out... I can't shut up, I can't hold it back. Unless you let it out someway, it's going to stay there, waiting...
Go back and find the trail, see where it leads you. Why do you feel this way? Again. Can you control her behaviour? Nope. My C told me fear is a second generation emotion. It usually is connected with fear(I hope I remember correctly, my memory sucks lately, I have posted this before I think, I'll go check). Do you feel bitter too?
Mike, I am so sorry. Everything is so connected and hurts very much. Maybe anger will put you on survival mode... K
I think it's about just an overall lack of respect and consideration on her part. I mean, she's getting what she wants and says she wants it to be civil but acts like an ass..I think that's the problem and it pisses me off.
Tell me about it!!! I've done the avoidance dance as well. The minute I am with him for longer than 3 min, I let some anger out... I can't shut up, I can't hold it back. Unless you let it out someway, it's going to stay there, waiting...
Go back and find the trail, see where it leads you. Why do you feel this way? Again. Can you control her behaviour? Nope. My C told me fear is a second generation emotion. It usually is connected with fear(I hope I remember correctly, my memory sucks lately, I have posted this before I think, I'll go check). Do you feel bitter too?
Mike, I am so sorry. Everything is so connected and hurts very much. Maybe anger will put you on survival mode... K
No not bitter. I don't think I'm hurt anymore.
I don't think I'm in survival mode because I know I'll be Ok.
I'm not trying to avoid I don't think. I mean the things I'm doing I want to do as far as GAL go's. I'm not doing them to avoid her.
I'm not trying to control anything because I know I can't.
It's just a lack of respect thing I think..I sense no respectorconsideration from her and it really makes me angry. Not angry all the time but like flashes of anger for short periods..like I'll think of something that was said and just get so pissed..beyond pissed, then I'll level out and be Ok for a while.
I don' know what it is..not the rollercoaster I don't think. It's different now..maybe an Anger coaster??
Maybe Mike, but laughter is also a cure (I was just thinking). Lately, when my W will do something that I think is either to completely rile me or complete rubbish, I tend to laugh, I guess it's almost sarcastic laughter, but it's better than saying anything. I will often follow it with a bit of a sweetner of something amusing that we have between us.
However, that's not every time, stuff I'm belittled about my boys I find almost impossible to control.
