another date set today!

[jandn]

What a fun 1.5 hrs with W. Get to office and relator tells us the offer which I had already asked her, then tells us its a contingency. Well that changes things from my perspective. Anyways she had to go to another office and get the paperwork she had forgot, so that gave the W and I time to talk about this and other things.

I told W it was kind of low, and that we out to counter with x amount. Thats too high. After it was said and done W finally did, but wasnt happy about it. She also wanted to get something in writing about how she was fine with the offer they gave (for her L or whatever). I had to correct or point out somethings to the relator, and everytime I did, W got disgusted, but its like the relator should know wtf she is doing. She was even trying to tell me what it would appraise at this and that and I put my foot down several times. Felt pretty good!

I didnt do everything right with W. When W was actually trying to be nice and sincere, i.e.when she asked about the kids and I going to church, I didnt open up like I should have, just gave her a simple answer. W was being really friendly at that point and I blew it, was my same old self. I think that is so cause how W can change moods so much. W voice her opinions about a lot of other stuff. Told me how she isnt angry every about how I think she is. Just wants it all to be said and done.

W did give me something to think about and need to do something tomorrow about it. Told me how much I could buy her out for from the house so it would one less thing for her to stress about something she doesnt live in and could keep all things with the house expect the dishes. I looked at this as a bargaining tool to buy her out of everything. The kicker on this is that Friday I dropped off all the paperwork to L so I need to get it on paper with her before L's start revealing the paperwork.

I dont want out of this marriage, sucks you gotta battle on stuff. W did say "after we get this done, then maybe we can be friends like you said". I dont remember where I said that, but I think thats something that got twisted kinda like the seeing kids everynight that was brought up again today when we talked.

[jandn]

Update--Where to start. So all day I am thinking about this "buying me out" thing. Thinking how would be nice to get with W soon and get it figured out. Well, I was at the race track an hour away from here and drove my friend and his better half. Im sitting there feeling lonely, not hurting or anything just thinking about the W. So theres some dead time I start making a text to W but not going to send it about missing her and the family and asking for forgiveness and this marriage is worth fixing. Had no intentions of sending it.

Half an hour I feel my phone vibrate. Pull it out, says MY WAW text msg. (I change her name often). Im like man, wonder what this is going to be like. Yes, me and W are going to have a good textasation back and forth. What happened to the "plz dont text me anymore"(talk about mood swings!) It says

W-Whats up
I reply very promptly with "Huh?" then "DD 2nite"
W=Thats nice of u, Id like to talk soon.:-)
M-Yes was think n that myself today, so how bout tomorrow evening sometime?
W-Well weve got my brothers bday tomorrow evening or else that would be good. Too bad ur busy tonight

This was a lil before 10pm
I didnt reply to that so 5 minutes goes by and

W-Alright well I wont keep ya-maybe tues then. Be safe.
M-You aint keeping me, will be done in about an hour and half or before, prob is too late
M-What about in the afternoon tomorrow
W-(ten minutes later) Yeah I think Ill be asleep by then. Were meeting at 3 tomorrow, then coming her later for cake. We wont be out of church till 1230. Its ok, well figure someting

I didnt respond but started a reply so 20 minutes later

W-U can call if not too late
M-Im available between those hrs, churh is 930 to 12. (that what my reply was going to be for hers and was thinking about not sending it, but then got this one so added this to it) How late is 2 late?
W-I dont know-next hr or so.

45 minutes late (1115pm), i felt I should at least give courtesy about how Im not going to call. So I send her

M-Its too late now, to late later, dont want to keep you up. may be tomorrow? Goodnite (her name):)

Then I thought for it for a few minutes, and was like screw it,

M-Actually can call now if you arent in bed.
W-ok

Man when W said she wanted to talk, I was like maybe she is going to want me to come over tonight or something or like she did in the summer time when she cried wolf about either come home to us now or you might not get another chance. But I knew it would probably be about the D.

So it went pretty good. Took a few minutes to find out why we wanted to talk to each other. W made it seemed like I wanted to talk since I mentioned the "id been thinking about that too today" and was trying to probe what I wanted to talk about so said something about the whole buying you out and what are the things you wanted to talk about.

We did have some good small talk after the first few minutes. No voices got raised. There was one time when she tried to cut me off and said hey, let me finish please. But no one got pissy with each other, amazing! And even one time W said "i miss talking to you sometimes" and didnt have a response. I thought, man I really never listened to W like I should have and she knows that, how does she really miss that cause she used to complain about that all the time.

Did get to explain the church thing to here like I wanted to earlier when we were together. So felt really good about getting that out there and clearing it up about how on Tues I go to that support group at a church far away, then on Weds go to bible study for and hour, then Sunday school before mass. W made the comment "you were never really into church with me". I said yes, something has lead me there and that is the only way I am going to make it through this time in need. W did ask, you going tomorrow, or do you just go with the kids. Said yes, I am going.

W talked about if I still wanted to meet up with her. Said she would really like to get some of her things, but would like to go to lunch. Also said, "I dont have to go to church, just the kids can go" I responded with, no you should go, you will feel better. Now I am thinking about in the morning early, sending a text to come to this church with me to get W opinion on it. Maybe she will bring the kids or whatever, but was going to see what I get on it.

I mean this all sounds positive, but we did talk about what needs to be settled on, mainly buying her out and we need to come up with a parenting plan, which she suggested mediation. Then got onto the holidays and how we would work them. W is worried about Halloween with them. I said well one year for you, the next me, this and that. I said that is just the way its going to be, this is what we got ourselves into. I did make the comment early on about "well, you know how I want the outcome of all of this, but if you want me to let you go, I cant stand in your way". So I was just nice and try to be friendly with her.

So, now I need to be strong and stick to my guns tomorrow for my next appearance. Hopefully I got W not able to sleep tonight thinking how she is going to miss me and the family. W did make comment "i noticed you still have your goatee, is that you now" Said actually I am going to get rid of it soon (probably shouldnt have said that but I did). Well its going to be pale there. I said, nah, it will blend in soon enough.

I probably have forgot some things and this is really long, and its late, but man I think praying has worked. Have some good feelings, but then have some weird feelings about W and her continued devotion to push through with this. Well, hopefully I get some responses and encouragement.

[jandn]

W did say things like getting everything settled on so we dont have to wait until Nov and just a lot of other things about wanting to be done and over with this.W talked about her L talking with my L, blah blah blah. Also about how the S has been doing and has had to deal with a lot of changes the past few months, how we need to switch daycares, that he wants to either be with mommy or daddy or grandma but not go to where we are taking him.

I told W I asked S why he doesnt like it and told her what his replies were. So I dont know.

W did ask if I still go to the counselor and probed a little into that. Yea I want back after W said she was taking D off hold and moving forward, I was a wreck! That was almost a month ago I went. Told W C was the one that recommended the support group. One time that we went together and W told C she had filed, C suggested that we both attend a support group. I didnt bring that to W attention, W started asking about the support group though. Told W people are there that are having the same feelings I am going through so its great to know that Im not alone and not crazy about whats going on. W didnt really ask about what feelings there was.

Did make the comment when W talked about eating out said she hasnt done that in a while. I said, yes and it really shows! She tried to deny it, but its the truth, lost a lot since xmas. So i dont know if I should make the comment "told you you was going to get skinny and leave me" or is that appropirate. She is skinnier than when I first started dating her. Crazy how that happens, huh?

[jandn]

Well W came over at noon and got some things packed up. she wanted 2 do lunch then go 2 her place and unload. at 1st said i would do lunch but felt uncomfortable go in over. so that is where im headed as i type this. got 2 hugs, i asked on the 2nd 1 2 pop her back and she said yes and had been a long time 4 that! also W wanted me 2 organize her packed stuff cause im good at do that she complimented. we had a few laughs bout go n threw stuff and theres more 2 come cuz w wants 2 go threw all the junk and have a sale. gotta get our food!

[jandn]

O great, what 2 say. knew it prob would happen and it did. i can never say no 2 w. i was try n leave cuz nothing else 2 do. she says i dont have 2 leave 4 30 mins. 1 last time? Then after, w makes comment bout b n n her prime and not having a bf or husband. i said u know my #. wanted 2 say alot but bit my tongue. like.. ged where were u n my prime and im still married to u and am ur husband and lets do the 30 days of sex! b4 hand w made sure not 2 use this against her and that i wouldnt get weird. Get ready 2 leave and asks how we can change parenting plan. what a deal.

[jandn]

Ok at the computer finally instead of my phone. So there was my crazy weekend. Dont really know how to look at this because how moody W can be. Today she might hate my guts. I dont know if I am nibbling away at her heart and not and she isnt feeling justified or what the deal. One hard woman (girl) to read.

I think W says stuff to see what I am going to say to it. Like when leaving, W was like, ok guess will see you Weds. I was like, oh yeah dropping the kids off Weds morning, duh. Earlier in day when W was at house, talked about bringing the steamer out this week. All in all had a good time with W of course, but just really confused and dont know how or what is going to play out with all of this.

One of the problems is I turned in that paperwork Friday, so I kinda want to talk to W about how we dont have to do that cause its gonna cost us more fees, but really shouldnt contact W I dont think.

[jandn]

Just wanted 2 add there was no R or ILY talk.

[jandn]

W emailed me when she got to work about she got us appt for mediation in about a month. Also said 2 call her later to talk about (i forgot) .... also said *hope your having a good day. Really happy about the thought of us getting along, really nice yesterday to not feel hostilitly from either side* I sent it to my lil sis cuz i told her about yesterday.

[jandn]

Sis says that W needs to figure out what W wants with me and life in general. Sis said I need to focus on myself and when W sees me detaching, W trys to be sweet. Also said women want mean guys, that W is a control freak but doesnt know how to handle it when she gets control, W wants but doesnt need. Said I need to read up on how to deal with her personality disorders so I know how to handle W.

[jandn]

So im clueless as what to do and W has really f'ed with my mind because I allowed her to. Im not hurting now but feel Im setting myself up for it.