H had 3 year affair and I never knew!

[happycamper]

We had a good day Saturday. The oldest 3 went to Grandma's and we had some time to talk. We deliberately went to a town 40 mins away because we talk well in the car. We talked about us and the OWs, lots of things. I got to hear some details which I asked for (not sure why?) which I think I needed to hear to help me comes to terms with what has happened.

Then in the evening I went to bed (very tired and drained and hardly eaten anything as usual) and it hit. Very very upset, very angry, horrible feelings. I got up, left the house, drove to the beach and screamed in my car about the OWs - what have you done to me, I hope something horrible happens to you etc.

Came home and H asked what was going on, so I told him how I felt. Of course that conversation was useless (what was I expecting?) and he was a bit taken aback about how I reacted. The next day he is very cagey, saying I had gone down in his estimations (I said I can live with that).

We agreed I was entitled to feel that way, even to say those things to him, but he was entitled not to hear it if he didn't want to. Thing is, because he 'left' me emotionally a long time ago, he has moved on, much further than me. He only has to aim for a good co-parenting R.

I think he is very unsettled about how I am going to paint him to the family and the children. When he hears me getting very emotional about us, in whatever shape that comes in, he gets very defensive. I have promised (and I can do that) that I will follow the advice of the Counsellor as to what to say. That is still 9 days away, so at the moment we are trying to form a good R by ourselves.

Our old R is so over (and has been for, what years?!) that there is almost no point in looking at it with him. Actually, to be fair he did say that maybe one day when things have blown over he would be happy to sit down with me and acknowledge how badly he hurt me and how much he messed up.

For now, what is helping our split is that I own up to my stuff, which I do.

Thanks for listening!