Late here - just got back from taking my girls to their 2 week horse camp. I miss them already! It will be a lonely two weeks for me.
It sounds to me like your H is having his cake and eating it too, with you and the OW at his disposal. Sorry don't mean to be blunt, but if he is actively involved with someone else I think you should rethink the intimacy part with him, as hard as it is. You don't deserve that at all. If the intimacy is much better with you and he's not getting it because of the OW, maybe it will give him another incentive to stop seeing her and work on being with you - just a thought.
Also, instead of the OW being concerned about being charged for something, your H should be very concerned about being charged with adultery - the military tends to frown on that if it gets out what he is doing.
As for his statement that you won't want to be married to him after "things settle down" - I think that's his way of not feeling guilty about what he's doing. He's trying to make it sound like he's doing you a favor and you'll realize it after you have a job, house, etc. It's like my W, she is in total denial of how serious this is to the family and how weak her reasons are for wanting to just walk away.
