So I'm new to this section but not the boards. The rest of my story is here The beginning
Now the short of the story is that wife asked for a separation because she wasn't happy with our marriage or who she had become. She wanted to become more independent, realized she was leaning on me too much, etc. At the same time she started an EA with an old friend of mine. Well it's been a week since I've been out of the house and one heck of a roller coaster ride that you can read in the link above.
So tonight she told me that she wanted a real separation this time. No intimacy, no OM, I need to stay away. I still need to be a father to my kids but the best I can be with her is a friend. She is scared to be around me too much because she falls back to me and starts to lose herself, her independence. I cloud her mind. She's not ready for a D, because we haven't given separation a chance. However she is also not even thinking of our relationship, she wants to work on herself for now and that's it. The R may or may not work in the end.
So I agreed. I was doing lots of active listening and just hearing her out. I didn't add much to the conversation besides validating her feelings. I really do believe this would be good for her, she went from her fathers house to mine and she wants to prove to herself that she can make it without a man. We also have had quite a bit wrong with our relationship that would need to change before anything could happen.
She even said if we can be friends she didn't see a problem living in the same house together as roommates. This would be better for the kids I'm sure but it sounds like a bad idea right now for us. I haven't even started detaching, she is going to try to fall back to me on bad days, etc. On the other hand if we were together she would have more time to see my improvements. Not sure what you guys think of this one?
So I guess any advice you guys could give would be appreciated. Right now I'm just going to give her space, be her friend when she wants me to be, and GAL.
Lynn
Last edited by lynn97; 06/23/0806:30 AM.
ME: 37 W: 32 S11 D6 Together: 14 yrs. Married: 12 yrs. Previous PA: 8 yrs. ago Previous EA: 1 yr ago
Well lynn except for that fact that I don't have kids, your sitch sounds a lot like mine. My W said a lot of the same things, however we have been going separately to the same counselor for a while now. I think she is very slowly coming around since she mentioned "After talking to the counselor we may start doing a few dates over the next couple months." Now my W is 25 but I think she is going through a MLC based on what I have read about MLC. I finally found and ordered a book that I can't wait to start reading. It is called "Surviving Your Wifes Midlife Crises" by Christine Carter Schaap. Her web site is http://www.pathpartners.com or http://www.surviveyourwifesmidlifecrises.com Fill out the claim your free sample chapter and it will then open a new page, you can scan over that info and see if that sounds like your W, I know a lot of it sounded like my W to a T. Let me know what you think.
The second web address may not work but go to patpartners and on the left, right below where it says survey it says "are you a husband looking for answers? we have a website just for you!" Just click on that and it will take you there.
lynn, every situation is different. but for me living in the same house as roommates became too much after 7 months.so she moved into our travel trailer at the local rv park 2 months ago. i still see her almost everyday. but it has given her some independence. you will hear both sides of the issue. live together or move apart.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Same here, mine went from Daddys house to my house. She never went with out. She had the checkbook. She did what she wanted. I gave her everyting I could, and it was never good enough.
I would say of the two limbo versions. Limbo two out of the house is worse. We almost never talk. We almost never see each other in limbo two. In limbo one in the house. I got to hold her everynight, rub her back, maybe get intimate, etc...
Cuddling is better than not cuddling. However I was unable to handle my emotions, the begging, the walking on eggshells, the total disregard for my feelings, wants, and beliefs. I finally asked her to go. Then I begged her not to go.
She was sneaking around looking at apartments. Talking to her girlfriends on the phone. Acting like she was having a party. Walking around naked or half naked. It was all really bizarre. She said oh roomates always walk around naked. OOOOOOOH OK!
When she was home, my youngest went through hell with me. She got a job and that just made her more sluggish at home.
