You are not the first to stare in utter horror at the person your spouse has become.
Some are worse than others, but you are seeing pretty typical MLC behavior. That in no way makes it easier or more acceptable. There is a reason why so few MLC relationships heal properly.
Now that the bad news is shared, the upside (hard to think there is one) to MLC is that it IS a crisis and there is a chance at least that the crisis will end one day. Still no guarantees, and it can be quite awhile.
She's on a high right now. There is literally a chemical rush accompanying this illicit relationship. You remember it as falling love and this is it's bastardized version. The "fix" of the OM provides her with that ecstatic feeling that makes all seem right with the world and allows her to forget what's wrong inside of her.
Rather than emmersing yourself in her illusions, you need to remove yourself from them. In the future, feel free to end your dinner engagement if the text messaging continues. And take Abby with you. You can always make up a reason to have to leave.
The message to her is simple. If the OM is being dragged in to your time together, your time together ends. You will not share your life with her other man.
And the kids, yeah that's a killer. Mine were older, so I didn't have to endure much of the sad faces of a child who misses one of their parents. But I know my boys have suffered just as much. All you can do is YOUR part to love and cherish her, and continue to keep her Mom involved in her life as much as possible.
This is a long, hard road. Another reason why the best thing you can do right now is devote time and energy to you and Abby. Make your life as special and full of good things as possible. When your wife has those moments of disengaging from her madness, allow her in to particpate.
Keep your expectations in check. If you expect little out of her, you will rarely be surprised.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
