Hey, guys. Sorry, I was a bit dark b/c I had my D this weekend. But, she's w/ mom now, so I can update everyone and answer some of your posts. Bizarre, Kalni, tomato, and Lodo. Thanks for checking in w/ me.
Hey, Kalni, I'm not sure if we'd add to the value of the house if you came over to help, but I am sure at some point we'd say "F-It" and just start drinking. Now, that would be fun.
Bizarre - I'm not going to paint, but I'm hoping she'll be civil and agree to having it done so I don't have to go all legal on her and stuff. She agreed under oath TWICE to adhere to the recommendations of the realtor, but today when I asked her about it she said "Dad thinks it is stupid to do b/c people will want to come in and paint it whatever color they want anyway. If they make a fuss, I'll come out and paint it for $1000."
I told W that in this depressed market we need to do whatever we could to make sure we don't turn anyone away and that includes neutralizing the house. I then got a bit emotional and started to crack (w/ some small tears) over the prospect of doing this myself and W asked what was wrong, so I told her it was too emotionally difficult for me to do. She asked why and I said b/c it is just another thing I don't want to do. I'm glad we ended it here b/c I would have started to cry, I think.
So, since then W has been very nice to me this evening, even chiming in w/ playful texts about D's eating everything and then joking w/ me on the subject on the phone. She is heartless at times and then has a heart at others. I wish she'd just make up her mind so I could choose to love her or hate her and be done w/ it.
However, I left our drop-off lower than I had been in a while. It was already a difficult day for me as drop-off days always are it seems. Today when D and I were at the pool we were surrounded by families all there together experiencing the joy of playing in the water w/ their kids. It was sad b/c I wasn't there w/ my entire family today. I miss that.
Anyway, on the way home I could see why so many people give up. I can see why my dad quit. I can understand why people just want to run away or kill themselves to end the pain. DON'T WORRY! I'm fine, but I was sad as I thought about it.
However, I don't know what the trigger was, but soon I became very, very angry about it. I said "How dare she treat me like I don't matter and don't have any feelings." I went straight to the gym, jumped on the treadmill and jammed "Rage Against the Machine" in my IPod and ran, and ran, and ran. I worked up a good sweat and during the cool down listened to the Smiths' "How Soon is Now?" and agreed w/ Morrissey and the boys when the sang "I am human and I need to be loved just like anyone else does." I do deserve to be treated better and it is up to me to make sure that happens.
So I think I'll put some signs up around here that remind me to just get pissed off when I'm wanting to be down and blue. It worked today, so it can work any day. I get to choose how I feel and if I can remember to get pissed, maybe I'll hit the gym instead of feeling down.
