I have been separated from h since Jan '07 after I basically asked him to leave the house after he disclosed that he had a fling (EA which included sex only once) in Sep 06 with someone that we both knew. Someone who I considered as much a friend as I thought he did.
We have a 7 year old daughter who is with me most of the time. I work full time.
While we were separated (and I thought we were working on ourselves with the view to eventually being able to decide whether we should be together) he had several relationships with other women that I didn't find out till long after the fact. To me these relationships felt like affairs. One of these ex g/f's of his has been hassling him with phone calls and then has called me from time to time. I hang up on her these days. She seems to have left us both alone now after h told her by text that he didn't want to be part of her life. Another ex that he went out with for about 4 months has gone back to her husband. h told me he was 'devastated' and 'heartbroken' when he found out, even though he was the one that broke it off with her. He shouldn't have told me that. I don't need to hear that sort of thing. Problem is, I let him tell me. I let him lean on me. Where are my boundaries?
I haven't been with anyone else. I don't know if I want to be back with him. I do know that we both need to work on ourselves for a while. I do know I need to be stronger in my boundaries.
He is making moves that seem to indicate that he wants us to be back together but has not explicitly said so. He seems to have changed in some ways after going to his native country for 4 weeks for some faith healing.
I was getting along with my life and I even told him I wanted a divorce in Jan after he told me he wanted to get back together (while he was still going out with the girl who has since gone back to her h!).
We have been seeing each other to try and see if we can get along and we seem to in some ways be okay with each other but we are more often than not ending up in bed. He is fairly persistent with wanting to ML. I've been without sex for sometime and I love the attention but I don't think we should be having sex as I don't have the emotional boundaries to be able to stand firm if I don't want to ML. I just want to be close to him and spend time with him. I don't want to ML, it confuses things waaay too much. It feels good at the time, but then I think later on that I should not have acquiesced as I feel like I let myself be persuaded rather than making my own clear decisions (as to whether to ML or not)
Our counsellor told us both that we should not date each other and only speak when it is to do with our d7. He doesn't like that at all. I can see where the C is coming from but I'm not sure I agree either. If only we could spend time with each other without the sex, then I could see if I want to be with him. I'm not sure if any of this is clear and there is heaps more to the story but they're the things that are standing out for me at the moment. If I say to him that we should do what the counsellor suggests, he'll be p1ssed and that will be the end of us being friendly - the stress will start all over again with him being cold and I get anxious and it is not good for our daughter to see that sort of tension.
Where should I post to find similar people? I guess I feel like a potential WAW but he is the one that did the walking and infidelity.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
