He left then Cheat 2

[No Longer BH]

I found another post that made me feel really good so thought I would share it with others. I was written by a WAW talking to a woman about her WAH and what the OW is thinking:

I been an OW - kinda - well he wasn't married but I WAS. (Im not perfect. I know this.)

So I figure I can answer your question - hes not himself, no. I wasn't when when my "new man". It felt good, because I could "be" who I always "wanted to be". I could be cool. I could kind. I could be the person I always wanted to be - the person I wished i was. I was funnier, brighter, smarter, shinier. I was sexier, more charming, more fun. I wasn't mother, wife or daughter. I was an interesting, amazing person. It makes you drunk. You want to feel like that all the time, a diferent person, a better person, a person with more energy, life and interests, a more INTERESTING person full stop. of course you justify yourself a lot, you got to.

In my experience, you dont want to talk about the wife/husband. THats a bad idea, reminds you of who you really are, reminds you that really you feel pretty crap about yourself. you avoid conversation about the partner. Or, you lie about the partner because you have no choice. to justify yourself you got to villianise the partner. How else would your actions look remotely acceptable? lying doesn't feel great so its best to avoid all conversation about the partner at all. they become the invisible elephant in the room.

In my experience it doesnt last because the stress of being somone you really arent wears you down. you become bogged down with the act, tired of it all, and it becomes harder to hide your feelings of distress or guilt. That leads to questions from the other person you dont want to answer and in turn that leads to more pressure on that relationship as secrets begin to mount. the married partner becomes a hidden enigma to the other person. The other person wonders about you as much as you wonder about them. trust me voice of experience here.

Just as you wonder what its like between them the other person wonders what it WAS like between you. They wonder if they are anything like you, and feel ambivalent about it - on one hand they are flattered to be told they're not because the new partner now hates you and reviles you but on the othre hand they wonder if thats true how the person could have stayed for so long. Doubts about how crappy the marriage REALLY was creep in and the need for more and more reassurance mounts, which makes the married one more and more reluctant to speak of you because it means more lying. more fakery.

The relationship with her is nothing whatsoever like the relationship he had with you. not even remotely. its true its more exciting and sexy and vital. But its also true that its built upon deceit, pain and lies. And true love does not involve a single one of those components. Their relationship becomes more and more defensive as time goes on. Can it survive? sure some do. but most dont. As time goes on the ability to constantly be who you want to be but who you really are not becomes harder to maintain until its obvious the relationship is built on nothing but smoke and mirrors. Unless the couple can adjust to the "reality" of it all then it crumbles into dust, as the other person is usually left quite disullusioned. After all they are in love with someone who doesn't even exist. In love with an act.

Dont dream its all champagne and roses. It MIGHT be hot sex true - but sex is much like a good movie, great at the time but fades very quickly and after a time you get sick of it anyhow and it becomes the norm. Nothing that exciting.

you loved him faults and all she most certainly did not. she has a lot of unpleasant surprises in store doesn't she.