Hello everyone, I've been back from our trip for a few weeks. I've thought of you since I stopped posting. When I had internet access while I was away I checked in on some of you but didn't post since I hadn't been following your situations consistently.
Shortly before H and I left on our trip in April he told me that there had never been a relationship with the OW. He had thought there was potential for one but, he had seen her through "rose colored glasses." I asked him several questions to which I knew the answers about her and their "non-relationship" and he lied consistently. I asked why he was telling me that there had never been a relationship and he responded that he wanted me to know "the truth." This conversation occured at the same time he informed me that he had signed a one year lease on an apartment in a town 25 miles away.
We had a wonderful time on our trip. We visited with friends, gave parties, and laughed at jokes only H and I would have thought were funny. But, as we had planned, we parted ways after one week. We went to the train station together and he helped me purchase my ticket. He saw me to the elevator hugged me good bye and boarded a train for the town in which he planned to spend two days alone before flying home.
I felt shattered inside, we had been such a solid couple for a week, and, now, I was on my own in a foreign country for the first time in my life. I only became weepy when strangers showed me kindness. e.g. when I didn't have the proper coins for the bus.
To be honest, I wasn't completely alone, I was to meet up with some childhood friends at one point, and, I had been invited to spend a few days in London with another friend of longstanding. My H telephoned each day that he was in the UK to see if I had arrived at my destinations safely and was well. He also e-mailed periodically. On one of the last days before I was to return he offered to pick me up at the hotel and drive me home. He greeted me with a hug and welcomed me back. He was still wearing his wedding ring.
On the way to our house he stated that he would be spending his first night in the new apartment. That he had taken some of the furniture but had tried to re-arrange what was left so the house wouldn't look too empty. He actually lingered, and seemed reluctant to leave, but, he did.
I didn't hear from him until four days later when he e-mailed to tell me that he had borrowed a small stepladder and planned to return it. I have never responded immediately to his e-mails, rarely pick up the telephone when he calls and, have heard from him on the average of once a day.
I had a dilemma on the Memorial Day weekend. He offered to come to the house to work on any "two person projects" which I might need help with. I really agonized over this one. One of the reasons he stated when he told me he was moving on from me and our relationship was all the work living at this house required. I also considered that he was looking for a reason to return to pick up more things for his apartment and offering to work was a good reason for him to come over. My DB coach had advised me to accept any of his invitations, but I wasn't sure if this one qualified.
I ultimately decided that his working at the house would re-enforce his negative feelings about living here so, I told him that I wasn't about work that weekend. I left the door open for him to suggest something else. When he left for his new apartment he suggested we have dinner some time, and he also mentioned it in a subsequent e-mail.
We did arrange a time for him to come to the house the next weekend. His wedding ring was gone, and he was distant and seemed uncomfortable. Although he brought me some tomato seedlings for the garden and something for the dog, it was apparent that his real goal was to collect some things - including his financial statements.
I did a 180 by not be doing work in the yard or garden when he arrived, instead I was wearing a silk jumpsuit which he had never before seem me wear and a pair of dressy flats and waited for him to enter the house on his own time.
The visit was a little strained. In his phone message the night before he listed the things which he was bringing, then, "I might have something to give you but... I'm not sure". Certainly sounded like D papers or property settlement to me but they did not materialize. When he left he told me that I looked good and that the house and grounds looked good too.
I felt hopeful but then received the telephone bill yesterday and he had telephoned the OW from one of our phones while I was away. He had rung her up at 5:30 am and spoken for about a half an hour. So much for "non relationship." It also explains the $25 credit card charge for Lindt chocolate on the day he returned. I knew better than to believe that he could discontinue pursuing the woman he considered to be his "soul mate" just a few months ago.
So, that's the update. I'm working on patience and making plans for enhancing my life. I am becoming involved with a new hobby, planning to go to a nieces wedding in another state and will accept H's offer to stay with the dog so he won't have to go into the kennel. (Did I ever mention that it is HIS dog? His landlord won't allow dogs.)
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
