Personally it has been so unbearably hot in my area I just want to lay on the bed all day under the fan. The weather is just too miserable here to think about doing anything... except going to the mall. My husband is out of the country deep sea fishing so I have just been aimless...

Anyhow, enough of me... you write
>> Feels like why would I put up with all of this crap if I didn't love him. <<

I don't think it's love. I think it's because you don't want to be wrong. Also, I think you are trying to escape your depression through him. You need to be happy within yourself. The presence or non-presence of any guy shouldn't be the reason for your happiness or unhappiness. Take care of the depression first and then figure out the whole guy thing. You cannot think logically or make good decisions while you are depressed. Are you on medication for this? Some low-dose, temporary meds might be helpful.... it's a lot better than trying to self-medicate with OM...

By the way, from what you've described of your H he sounds like a catch (even with the intimacy issues). If you do decide to divorce him let me know. I have a slew of divorced friends who'd like to meet a guy like that (attractive, and a "good guy." Wow!!!).

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.