hoosiermama, I read about codependency. I don't know...possibly some of that going on with the OM. I know that I like to feel like he needs me. I like that I'd be good for him.
ROOT, I think you are right that I am in the "in love" stage still with OM but all of the arguing with him and talking seems to make us feel like we are in the next level. Feels like why would I put up with all of this crap if I didn't love him. Maybe hoosiermama is right it is a codependency thing with OM.
If I could just get out of the depression I get myself in. If I could just "snap out of it". We went as a family to this cool zoo yesterday and it was a nice day. My S had a blast. It's almost like the more I spend time with my H, though, the more it worsens the situation because I feel so unhappy being with him. I can figure it out in my head and I know what I want but when it comes to it, I am unhappy with him. Time.....I need time......I'm going to find a counselor until retrovaille, too. I talked it over with H and he seemed to think that might be a good idea. I think he is afraid of me seeing a counselor because the last one was the one who said we should separate.
Sandi, thank you for coming back and posting. I do need you now more than ever. Any advice you can give me I would appreciate. It does help to know that you understand the feelings I have. I want to know what else you have to tell me. Please post more.
Today I have laid in bed all day. I'm still in my pjs now. I didn't feel like going to church, I didnt feel like having coffee with H, i didn't feel like going out in the sunny day, I didn't feel like going for a bike ride with H and S, and I didn't feel like running errands. What did I do instead? I laid in bed. I knew I should get up, but I didn't want to. I knew H wanted me to and I just didn't want to. H mentioned he might go out with his brother tonight and I said I thought that sounded great and that I would stay home and watch movies. Now, it is raining so he won't go. I just want to be alone. I wish I could just go to some place where no one knows me today. Maybe a beach......just lay by a beach and read books and magazines all day. That sounds so wonderful to me right now.
